Ex Wife Voodoo Dolls!

Editor’s Note: This originally posted on January 25, 2015

Greetings all from Skipah land, no blog post last night for the 23 people reading, had some personal issues come my way.  All is good in the hood per se, pretty exciting Sunday actually.  Joined a fantasy baseball league with some other guys in the ever popular Facebook: Dad Bloggers group.  A running commentary of kids, work, women, beer, sports, and busting balls.  The Sock Dating Pool gained no new members, and the remaining members have unionized now hired an attorney and everything!  Demanding I take action so they can get back in comfy confines of the “sock and boxers” drawer.

With no child, finances that would get me kicked out of a soup line, and no nagging wife I read up on how to fix second grade basketball games.  I think I have a fail proof plan and will convey it to Sloane on Wednesday.  Needless to say I don’t foresee shelling out any money on concessions this year, the other dads (and moms) will be paying me off 20 ounce twists off one at a time!  Not since Boston College point shaving scandal has a better gambling plan been hatched.  Just have to convince a couple of other girls to join in (promise them a trip to Disney and dinner with Elsa) and we are going to be good to go!

Yesterday also was open house at my daughter’s school, her mother conveniently no-showed after promising to work a table, but it didn’t deter me.  Talked with her teacher for a bit and found out my daughter is a PRODIGY.  Ok, that might be a little strong, but she is doing great and I couldn’t be more proud of her.  Since I’m still having trouble predicting lottery numbers correctly, the picture listed above is my next get rich scheme.  It’s going to be marketed as “ex-wife” voodoo doll.  The supplies needed are as follows:

5 cinnamon sticks

1 hair scrunchy

1 burned out four ounce candle

Dryer lint

1 old craft of your child’s that involved eyes

Scotch tape

I will whip these up for anybody that needs one, at a price that would make Amazon go out of business, at skipahsrealm.com we also cater to females.  Ex-husband who is a douche send me an email and I can fix you up.  This is my new go to outlet for dealing with my ex, she runs to her attorney I shove a bobby pin in my doll.  In all my stubbornness and stupidity I don’t know why I didn’t think of this earlier.

You know when you ask your ex simple things that she refuses to answer like “What about Sloane and school next year”, I hear nothing but crickets.  Ask about trading days for damn near a week, more crickets.  Ask one too many times about something relevant to our daughter and add colorful language sometimes, BAM lawyer!  Let’s go to court you are harassing me!  Whoever does the billing for her attorney should be suing for workman’s comp for the soon to be carpal tunnel syndrome he/she is probably experiencing?  I’ll take my temporary setback in a couple of weeks and go on about myself.

It’s supposedly called Co-Parenting, from everything I read up on it the topic of Co-Parenting I missed the chapter that said “Ex-wife is stubborn, and you have a penis so you are screwed in family law.”  I mean it is literally bullshit; fathers have zero rights in family law.  Yeah there is the minimum you are granted for being the chief sperm donor, gee thanks Indiana, but if mommy wants to be an asshole about it she gets to.

If you are a man with children and getting divorced you better be Bill Gates rich, or getting divorced from a crack whore, and even with Bill Gates money nothing is guaranteed.  I know that there are plenty of shit ball dad’s that killed it for all of us (my dad for sure!) but really!  Last time I checked it takes a man and a woman to have a child, yet because some judge or lawyer who has never spent one day with you in the inner workings of your day-to-day life either when married or post-divorce they know what is best for your child or children.

Based on what!  A bitter ex-wife?  Because some stupid dirt bag male(s) was a manwhore and piece of shit father.  I and other dads have to suffer for that bullshit, and hell I’m luckier than most my ex-wife was an idiot and needed to give me more time than necessary so she could run off to Appalachia to see Mr. Wonderful.  I had to spend damn near 7,000 dollars to see my daughter eight days a month during school.  If that seems fair to you then go jump off a bridge!

Men and parenting get a crap wrap, mommy gets to blow off Brownie events and school commitments and it doesn’t get used against her even though “dad” has made every effort possible to be interactive with his daughter.  My daughter can tell you at a drop of a hat how many meetings and events her mom missed, she even told me last week that I would have never missed a Brownie event if I had her more.  Yet I get to go to court again because I asked one too many times about subjects related to our daughter!  I’m now going to remove myself from the soap box!  Family law for a man is and will remain BULLSHIT!

Send Skipah Sailing!



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  3. For you it’s free 🙂

  4. From the other side I can tell you it sucks for some women too. Doing my best to stay sane and share time with our kids as much as possible. We did 50/50 with agreement for “changes” as best needs for the kids. Happens when he asks me for a change but never the other way around.

    How much for the doll? 😜

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  10. Thank you, I will sell you a voodoo doll anytime you need one!

  11. Wow, been married for 23 years, together 25. We have two girls, 17 and 12. The only reason that I have survived this parenthood journey is because of an awesome husband who is an amazing, fantastic, brilliant father. If we were to EVER divorce there is no way in h*ll I would stand in his way of being their dad.

    Don’t worry honey I am not divorcing you:)

    He is the fun guy, I am the one who is nagging do your homework and what not. It takes two… I am so sorry that your ex doesn’t see it that way and stands in the way of your daughter having an awesome time with HER dad!!!

    Because of our parenting we have two great kids, and here is to you being able to have more time and a bigger impact on her whole.

    Again sorry you are in this, glad you are sticking with it.

    I agree that dad’s get a raw deal, I remember years ago having to really dress down the pediatric doctor who when the hubs took the girls in would say to him, and yes it was he who took the girl, now tell your wife to do this or that. One to many times he came home and told me that. I picked up the phone and said I am not sure why you treat my husband as if he is the babysitter when he brings the girls in but he is their FATHER!!! Treat him with respect.

    Ok off my soap box, this turned into a post. sorry 🙂 Love the voodoo doll 🙂

  12. Kick in the balls when you didn’t see it coming LOL

  13. Divorce. Ain’t it a kick?!
    Ex-spouse voodoo dolls. Genius. And if the people look anything like the dolls . . .

  14. It’s downright criminal the crap they can pull if they want to. Thanks for the congrats! The point shaving scheme is still a work in progress but we are getting there!

  15. Dang man I’m sorry you’re getting screwed over. There is a law firm here in our town that only specializes in Men’s Family Law, I hope I never need them, but if anything happens you can bet I’ll be right at their door step. How’s the point shaving system working? I think I’d like to get in on some of that action! 🙂
    Congrats too on being featured at the #BigTopBlogParty

  16. Bwahaha! They would never believe you! I joke, I joke! Nothing gets me going more than the topic of unfair custody battles! Because of selfish lawyer calling cry baby idiots that don’t know how to act like adults or how to put the children’s best interest before everything else in life! I wish I could tell my story on my blog and vent about it I’m jealous that you can but you see the last time we were in court they tried to use my blog against me because his loser girlfriend had nothing better to do than stalk me on my blog! Funny thing is that their attorney my attorney and the judge laughed in their faces! Okay I’m done! Just a bit cranky as I had a rough night with my pain and didn’t get any sleep!

  17. Wow, profanity doesn’t bother me LOL, thank you for the support god knows I’ve needed it. 2014 was a very trying year for me going through it all. Thanks for reading, now I’m going to have to out you to all your loyal blog readers! J/K

  18. Fabulous post! So sorry to hear about your ex-wife troubles though. I have an ex-husband just like that! Boy could we swap some battle stories with one another! I’ve been in a custody battle for the past 5 years and they aren’t even his kids!!!! Talk about being beyond PISSED OFF! Any who, sorry to rant in this comment I really wanted to be supportive. Guess I just wanted you to know you’re not alone when it comes to bullshit custody battles! Anyone who reads my blog will probably pass out now because I said a few bad words! Bwahahaha! Keep your chin up and I’ll keep you and Sloane in my prayers! I hope you finally get the time with her that it sounds like you deserve!


  19. It was definitely an expensive expierence, thanks for reading and look forward to next week.

  20. Great post! sorry to hear about your ex-wife troubles. Personally, I’d jab something maybe a little bigger in that doll. Give it plastic hands and feet and watch them melt as you hold a blow torch to it.
    Thank you for tossing your hat into the ring at the Party Under The Big Top! I hope to see you again next week!

  21. You’ve been in that rabbit hole also :), It sucks, but kids come first!

  22. I like the sound of #FatherhoodUnite! As far as co-parenting goes it’s a struggle but like my friends tell me “You got this”

  23. Grrr!! This really boils my blood. Like you, I payed a fortune to get my access…and that was after to legal fights to get what I have now.
    You’re doing a great job. But completely get where you’re coming from with the sexism in the ad as well as just in general. I could happily rant for hours.
    Good post nonetheless buddy.

  24. Oh wow, I guess the silver lining is that you’re not with an apparently uncommitted mom to your daughter. Sorry for the bad situation, but it’s great to see how attentive you are to your daughter, and you know that means the world to her!

    Great words about the Similac ad, it’s just freakin’ idiotic to have dads in the video and then completely disregard their being in the end. It would’ve been better to just not have dads in the there at all if they want to use “Sisterhood” and “Motherhood”. How about our own campaign? #FatherhoodUnite!

Tell Skipah all about it!