Fifty Shades of What!

Everything became official today, to quote Jimmy Buffett this dude is “going back to school”, it won’t be Domino College though (You have to be a die-hard parrothead to remember that one).  March 25 is the official start date for me, and then America’s favorite blogger is probably going to cut production down some.  Not to let any loyal readers down in Africa or anywhere else, but going to have to prioritize things.  Non-custodial weekend for me (readers in Campton, Kentucky that means I don’t have my child this weekend), but I will see Sloane on Sunday at the first day of basketball games.  Since I’ve declared Campton, KY as the home for anti-vaxxers it’s getting added to Skipah’s Shorthand.  You anti-vaxxers have officially become a legend to the 48 folks in the United States that read this, and  the three in various parts of Africa.  Well done,  your mothers should be so proud.

Something dawned on me today and it didn’t involve Katy Perry for once, and that is next weekend is Valentines day.  I haven’t been single for that day in a long time, I will have a superfly date though she’s my daughter!  Coincidentally, I’m thrilled I’m single for Valentine’s day because guess what!!!!  No Fifty Shades of Grey movie for me to have to choke down (that can always change with a phone call from Katy).  Unless you live under a rock or just landed from the moon the calendar year of 2011 was unofficially “The Summer of Love.”  I don’t have the statistics in front of me, but I’m willing to bet the birth rate in 2011-2012 jumped exponentially!  If you were married or attached in 2011 and were not getting laid on a regular basis your girl must have really hated you.  The “Fifty Shades of Grey” book trilogy took off like a freight train.  It became “mommy porn” for any male that was fortunate to be with someone who was reading it.  A whole country of women became nyphomaniacs and kink experts all because of some dude named Christian.  Anything I ever heard about him he didn’t sound very “Christian” to me, but I didn’t care because my wife at the time wasn’t acting very “Christian” either after our daughter went to bed.  It became a running joke in my circle of male friends about what chapter, what book, and what did she want you to do last night.  Imaginary Christian got more of us laid than Boone’s Farm, Natural Light, and Maddog 20/20 ever did.  That summer it became the swinging 70s again only as far as I know without the swinging (or maybe I got left in the parking lot and didn’t make it to the playground to sit in a swing,  I am divorced now also by the way).  Bottom line to all my “attached” male friends I got to reap the benefits, your bill is coming due next Friday when you have to sit through the movie.  I guess the joke is on me though because if the movie is anything like the books you better have a babysitter lined up, and if Katy does call me I’ll be sure to have my mom on speed dial!

Between officially getting the news I’m now a college student again and everything else going on in my life I’m happier than a vacuum salesman at a husky rescue center.  Things just seem like they are finally starting to go my way for once.  After I hit the Powerball tomorrow things will get even better, but if that doesn’t happen I don’t really care.  I’m smiling, it’s my new motto in life (wait that is #payitforward), I can just say I’m smiling and go with that.  Mountains upon mountains of shit got thrown my way and I’m almost clear of them (I think, Tuesday should be interesting)  My financial woes should hopefully get better after taxes and with no more crap luck.  This is not to say I’m living on “easy” street but hopefully I can upgrade from peanut butter and crackers to ham sandwiches.  Screw that I love peanut butter and crackers, easiest meal in the world to prepare and the only dish it gets dirty is a butter knife!  When my blonde bomber is with me we cook and bake, but when it’s just me I follow the adage of K.I.S.S. (and no not the rock band that coined such hits as “Beth”, “Detroit:  Rock City”, “I Want to Rock n Roll”), but Keep It Simple Stupid!  Going to wrap it up and start working on my new blog Single Dad Smiling, just kidding one blog is enough.  Thirty Eight and going back to school, and I can’t frigging wait!  Enjoy some Jimmy Buffett!


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