A small contribution to the Indiana Lottery Commission!
Many thanks to all the denizens who checked in on the loss of Hammy; the flags at the corporate office were lowered for 48 hours to honor his passing. Then Muffin came along and flipped the script! She’s already demanding wine made from Rkatsiteli grapes and Tolstoy literature. Screw being a Hammy spy descendant, I’m starting to think she’s part Russian diva/part bitch! Since Indiana mandates that even number years are “dad’s” weekend for Memorial Day, she got the full torture treatment from Sloane. She hadn’t run that much since the latest Chechnya spare rocket landed in her native Siberia. Last night, after Sloane was back off to her Old Kentucky Home, Muffin was asking Miss Madison and me where the best place was to get a pedicure for hamsters and if we could get her some homemade Borscht! I’m missing Hammy already. I would just pour him another White Russian and give him the Daily Racing Forum, and he was good for the evening.
Leave me alone, I’m about to perform my daily yoga routine!
Speaking of Miss Madison, she’s going all diva on me now, also. She’s contacting local media about branding out First Mate Kate’s Take into an online digital magazine! Gone are the days of curvy yoga pants and kicking tops, she’s moved on to the Neiman Marcus catalog and reading the Wall Street Journal! So long to her TMZ addiction, now it’s checking out mommy bloggers and Business Insider! I might be exaggerating a tad here, but she’s in awe of the nice and kind reception the fine folks that like to visit the Skipahsphere showed her after her debut contribution to my little internet hidey hole.
Did I mention (of course I did) that I had Sloane for the weekend? She, Miss Madison, and I rocked it like a boss this past weekend! Unfortunately, I’ve lost my daughter’s unwavering attention, but I couldn’t be happier to announce that it’s for her new BFF Miss Madison! Let’s recap the past weekend Skipah Style!
These two are quickly becoming inseparable.
Last Friday, I had to live by the Huey Lewis & the News mantra of Working For A Living, so that left Sloane and Miss Madison alone to close up shop at her classroom for the year. From all reports I got, Sloane was more productive than a Merry Maids crisis team, and Miss Madison is potentially being investigated by the NLRB for exploiting child labor. Either way, both were grinning ear to ear when I got home to start our three-day Magical Mystery Tour.
Sloane got into a fight with a bookshelf, the bookshelf is now at the local landfill after it’s humiliating defeat!
Saturday was a whirlwind of excitement and nonstop fun. First stop, the area farmer’s market for some unbelievable greasy spoon breakfast and seeing the locals peddle their wares. Sloane took up walking a fellow patron’s dog, and I tried to speed up any impending heart attack that could be coming my way!
My dynamic duo ganged up on me, and I kicked and screamed willfully took them on a shopping excursion at Target for some summer time clothing for Sloane. She’s literally grown something like 93 inches since last year, so her shorts supply needed an upgrade. While they were fondling every piece of fabric in the place, I went all Dolly Parton and headed “two doors down” to Old Navy to see what they had to offer. By the way, Mr. Skipah would rather die in a viper pit than spend more than twenty minutes in Target. Besides, I’m still confused on which bathroom to use!
The Old Navy mission turned out to be a coup d’etat, as they were offering monster deals themselves. Throw in a trip to the mall so Miss Madison could visit her favorite “retail” therapist, and now Sloane is properly outfitted for the summer, I’ve got some bitching “dad” cargo shorts that represent my shrunken waistline (an awesome side effect of divorce), and Miss Madison has herself some more yoga pants at Walmart pricing and various other tops to make Mr. Skipah smile. Get your mind out of the gutter loyal reader, we shop for that stuff online! Kidding, kidding, kidding! Throw in the trip to PetSmart 
to acquire Blueberry Muffin…aka the Russian Diva and it was a great day!
Sunday, Mr. Skipah had to dive into the jungle that is known as his backyard. For the first time in 17 years, it quit raining long enough for me to mow the grass. Last year I couldn’t get my mower to start, this year I can’t mow our grass without wearing galoshes! Midwest weather, more unpredictable than a trip to the Cincinnati Zoo! Once all the yard work was done, my female gang and I headed downtown for the Old Court Days and lunch at Gallery 115. The highlight of this adventure was ribbing Sloane about her non-love of ALE-8, or it was me just admiring the bond that has formed between Miss Madison and Sloane.
Cool place, a one stop shop for good food and weird art!
Skipah is going off topic for a sec, I’m divorced, it was ugly…no it was very ugly…actually it was devastating back then. Thankfully, I had a whole army of friends/family looking out for me as I waded through the divorce waters. I never (the best I could) showed how much hurting I was actually going through with Sloane. She figured it out quickly because she is a freaking prodigy, but the one conversation I had with her way back when always stuck with me. Her referencing it this weekend to me had me a little choked up. When your kid tells you, “Dad, Miss Madison is awesome, and I told you that someone would like you again,” need I remind you she is eight going on 30!
Monday, Memorial Day, was nothing more than dodging urine and Baby Ruth’s at the public swimming pool, and making Sloane her favorite dinner of fried chicken and salad. Watching her pig out on watermelon and locally grown strawberries made me wonder if we bought her new clothes in the right sizes, as she seems to have hit a growth spurt. Maybe it was just some good ole “dad” love that had her eating like a fat man visiting a buffet. Either way, it was an unforgettable time this weekend, and makes me giddier than a virgin on prom night for the upcoming summer!
Strawberry Pop Tart Cobbler!
This weekend sealed the deal for me. No, I’m not getting married anytime soon (hold on, slight concussion as Miss Madison smacked me in the back of the head), but there are only TWO people I would hate to let down in this world. Sloane is definitely on that list, the other is Katy Perry or First Mate Kate; I’ll let you decide. Miss Madison has proven she would make a fine step-mom after this weekend. I’ll take the Pepsi Taste Test Challenge on who would be the better step-parent. When Sloane tells me she wants to live with me and Miss Madison, and I don’t have a better answer than, “Lawyers are expensive,” you already know how screwed up this world is! She will be 12 in a few short years. In the meantime, I will keep driving as many miles as it takes to see her on softball nights!
About it for now, already looking forward to next week to create more memories with Sloane!
It was 🙂
Looks like a great weekend!
Thanks pal
Oh man, Hammy sounds like a dream hamster compared to your new diva hamster. Rodents aside, it sounds like fun was had by all! Way to rock fatherhood man!
Well, I’m glad it’s back under control and most of your soul has been saved, with just a few little nibbles at the edges. 🙂
DOODIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Clever reporting as usual, Gary! What a great father and BF to your ladies! And I DO know what you meant by your reference to dodging baby ruths…eeww. LOL!
This little diva probably got kicked out of Russia! Don’t think I wasn’t keeping an eye out for raptors! I had to be the highest grass I’ve ever mowed, I’m unfortunately a yard snob so seeing it so high was eating away at my soul!
I’m glad to hear that your new hamster also appears to have Russian connections. You never know when backchannels to the Kremlin might be useful. I was also relieved that you managed to tame your backyard jungle without falling victim to a velociraptor or something. 🙂
Thanks Robin, Sloane is definitely growing up….Going to miss these days when boobs & boys come into the picture! Our summer is shaping up to be historic :).
Sloane looks like a model, beautiful, thin and lanky. Gary, your Miss Madison is also lovely and so kind. You are blessed. Dint worry about the past, it led you to here! 🙂
I think Target has a right to open a neutral bathroom or let people dressed as a woman use the female bathroom. Also, if dressed as a male use the men’s room. I don’t get why people are so worked up?
Glad to know why you don’t like Target! Your evil ex! Have a wonderful summer, Gary.
The best kind 🙂
It was a complaint free weekend!
She’s off to the ‘Nati tonight but will when she gets home!
Looks like you had a great weekend, and the strawberry pop tart cobbler looks AMAZING!
Great weekend! Say hi to Ms. Kate!😃
Life is good pal, trying to roll up my pennies for this swanky pad down in Texas that I know is up for sale!
What a great post and a great dad you are! I understand your situation - I was there and I did it also. And I read a whole lot of happiness in this post - have a great day Gary. 🙂
Thanks, just trying to keep her life normal in a world of lunacy she has to contend with!
You a good dad.
Oh. That will definitely do it. So sorry.
Call my Target allergy due to my ex-wife would spend what seemed like 12 hours in there anytime we would go.
I understand how Sloane grew 93 inches since last summer, and how it’d been 17 years since you mowed your lawn, but not how you don’t know which restroom to use. Use the restroom that won’t get you beaten with a handbag while women shriek, “PERVERT!” at you. By all accounts, you seem male.
I like Target. I hate shopping, but Target’s not too bad.
I think Sassy would LOVE a strawberry pop tart cobbler — Imma hafta try it.