A Mother of a Derby!

Thankfully I went with Nyquist!

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms that carve out a little piece of their day to read my daily dribble.  Don’t worry, dads, I’ll be thanking you in a few short weeks also, but it’s mommy day so all of us that that get to enjoy a urinal as opposed to a community toilet seat when out in public need to call, text, email our mothers and thank them for raising fine young and old citizens of the community.  Personally, I made the 45-minute jaunt along the White Tail Deer Causeway to spend a little quality time with mine.

Mr. Skipah now needs to reach out to the masses who aren’t with their baby mammas anymore.  Since I see Sloane about as often as Halley’s Comet rolls around these days, and when I do see her we are on a tight schedule due to geography and activities that have already been planned, what is the “proper” protocol for Mother’s Day for people in my position?  Sloane has a step dad, so I’m under the impression he would make sure to take Sloane out at some point to get her mom a gift.  Since I knew that Miss Madison’s mom (still resting on laurel’s from her divide and conquer campaign in the Madison Auto Wars) was involving Miss Madison Jr. and the turtle man on a Mother’s Day gift, I didn’t worry about making sure those two crumb snatchers had a gift for their mother.

Full disclaimer:  I would rather spend money investing on an ISIS fundraising car wash than on Sloane’s mother.  That being said, I did it last year (although the reciprocal Father’s Day present was laughable) and would do it every year to make sure Sloane has a gift for her mother every May.  When Sloane informed me that her own mother gave her an Andrew Jackson (That’s a $20.00 bill, Kentuckian) to get her a mother’s day gift, I felt like I let Sloane down.  On Mother’s Day, her own mom had to give her money to get her a present.  Let that sink in for a bit, and maybe you understand why I will scream until I’m purple that she has no business living with her stepdad!

Last year, under completely different circumstances, I let Sloane pick out a modestly priced set of earrings to give to her mother.  Her mother chose to change those circumstances since then.  Do I celebrate like I just won the Powerball because her mom woke up with nothing from Sloane?  Not at all.  If I knew everything that goes on when I don’t have Sloane, I would have made sure she had her mom a gift to wake up to on Mother’s Day.  Chalk this up to another product of divorce, and, while cracking up on the outside that Sloane’s stepdad is more clueless than a polar bear in Africa, I hate it for Sloane.  Denizens of the Skipahsphere, help me out here (especially the mom faction)—if I’m going to keep being denied access to Sloane, what do I do?

I wasn’t denied access Saturday though; her mom and I made a historic truce that would make Israel and Palestine take notes!  I got her for Derby Day, and we had the time of our life!  It was the Kentucky Derby on Saturday, and Mr. Skipah had the best handicapping (horse wise) day of his life.  Sloane and I kicked butt and took names!  Six races, six winners, four exactas, and I became a legend in certain circles!  We were there for only six races, and I hit five winners and Sloane hit the other one asking dear old dad to put a dollar down on Camelot Kitten.  The only glitch on Saturday was Miss Madison wasn’t able to attend, but I’ll take Sloane has my date anytime!

No Jameson for Mr. Skipah, he toasted with Diet Dr. Pepper!  In other news, Sloane’s Lego collection is about to get some new friends.

To quote KE$HA, “The party don’t start until I (we) walk in!” We didn’t blow any D.J.’s speakers up, but seeing Sloane reuniting with her bestie was priceless.  Most of the party goers know Sloane’s back story and inflate her ego like she’s some kind of rock star when they see her now.  Sloane takes it in stride and smiles ear to ear.  These are her peeps that she never chose to leave, nor ever wanted to.  Bounce house fun, cashing betting tickets as mini lotto winners, and eating like a king, the Kentucky Derby 2016 was AWESOME!

Sammy doubled up on the Viagra for this culinary goodiness!

About it, for now, I need the Skipahsphere to do me one little favor, though.  Click on this link, vote for my new adopted hometown of Madison, Indiana as one of the best downtown main streets in the USA.  If they win rumor has it they are going to kick Walmart out of town and bring in a Meijer.  While you are in the voting mood, make sure you vote for my British blogging buddies. Martyn is up against a tough field in parenting blogs, also, if you can find the time, let this Silly Mummy know she is funnier than an early 80s Saturday Night Live skit involving Eddie Murphy on this link!  This concludes the promotional portion of Skipah’s Realm, now to explain to Hammy how this guy became a horse racing swami for one day!

Send Skipah Sailing!


  1. :), didn’t describe it well enough in words how special Saturday was for me!

  2. If I ever get Sloane for full custody I can’t wait to experience it!

  3. Looks like you had a blast! And I don’t know much about the derby, but I am well acquainted with Lego collections. They were a great source of foot pain and midnight tripping accidents in the days when my kid collected them.

  4. Voted. Commenting now. Glad you had a great weekend!

  5. Roxanne if we stayed for one more race good chance the fire department was getting called because we WERE ON FIRE!

  6. This unpaid campaign manager gig is starting to stress me out! I’ve got Vote Lucy gear all over the house, I can’t seem to stick to a color scheme I like it’s just overwhelming me right now! Sloane and I had a most excellent adventure Saturday :).

  7. Sounds like a winning day all around! So touched by the effort you make to ensure that every time you’re together it’s special.

  8. Glad you & Sloane had a good time at the Derby (I totally know what it is!)

    & thank you for the vote drumming mention!

  9. Thanks, we will see 🙂

  10. So glad you could have Sloane on Saturday! May the truce continue to happen! And I think it is great of you to see that Sloane has a gift for her Mom. Very mature of you and kind! As for her stepdad, well…just no words.

  11. I can send Sloane to Harvard cheaper than I can get a good crab cake in Indiana! I’ll settle for 25 lbs. instead :).

  12. Dang! 30lbs of crab cakes? That’s a lot of crab.

  13. This weekend was the first bit of coparenting I’ve ever tasted so hopefully there will be more :), I’ll head to Maryland with what ever you want just make sure I’ve got 30 lbs of crab cakes waiting!

  14. Oh she knows, the crap I have to hear when she is with me has me actively seeking out oak trees to bang my head against! She’s got the Lego bug, no doubt about that!

  15. See, that’s why you’re father of the year. Yep, he was disappointed. He did get me a card from him and my son this year and a rose. LOL. I guess he’s trying now that we’re divorced. I can’t ask for more than that. We’re co-parenting so I am accepting the olive branch for what it is. P.S. That dang grill is turning out prime meats. You need to send some to Maryland this summer.

  16. Double T for the win
    ! Yeah their is zero love loss between us, but I would never let Sloane at that age not have a gift for her mom if I could help it.

  17. LOL. You killed me when you said “I would rather spend money investing on an ISIS fundraising car wash than on Sloane’s mother.” I get it though. If people treat you like crap and you’re the other parent, how should you respond? Last year my son’s father didn’t get me a card or anything from my son. My son was so heartbroken. I told him that it didn’t matter that he was my gift every day and asked him could he make me a card. He did. He was happy. But, for father’s day last year I went all out and ordered a custom photo album of all the photos I’d taken of our son over the last year and he was in the hospital so my son wanted to get him flowers, balloons and cupcakes. I did. He cussed me out on father’s day from his hospital bed and didn’t even bother to say thank you. I learned two lessons last year: 1. People will treat you how you let them. 2. Don’t ever spend money on someone who can’t even say thank you. I work too hard for my money to spend it on ungrateful people. I would rather donate it to charity.

  18. Love the happy pic of Sloane, she’s adorable man! Congrats to her win, and wise choice on using it for Legos! Very stupid about her step-dad, but yeah, she’s smart and probably knows he’s a major idiot. Glad all was fun for you two!

  19. We had a great time! That was her “derby” hat LOL

  20. Come on down to Indiana, we are awaiting official state legislation to make it state law it must rain six days a week!

  21. Her step-dad is a real jerk! Pretty sure your daughter has figured this out on her own, though.

    Just keep in contact with her the best you can! She knows who actually cares about her. Kids are kids, God only knows what she was doing with the pool noodle.

    At least we are supposed to get some much needed rain today through Wed. night! Hate droughts and the fire chances they cause. Northern MN is on fire (literally) and so are parts of Canada. Can’t even venture outside due to causing asthma attack from smoke inhalation!

    Have a good time the next chance you get to see your little (not so little anymore) girl!

  22. Sounds like you had a blast! Yhat pic of Sloane with her hat is adorable!!

  23. I wouldn’t make her spend her horse fortune on buying a gift :), besides she already got it all spent at the Lego store online. For the other thing, I’m at a loss.

  24. It’s what I’ve been screaming for almost two years. Sloane is at an age where picking out gifts is fun for either of her parents. I’m certainly the bigger adult to cast my dislike of the whole situation and make it enjoyable for Sloane. Again though nothing was every said to me and I “assumed” it was getting taking care of. You would think by the fifth time you are married you would figure this stuff out right????

  25. Pool Noodle is a horse LOL, I would have no problem taking Sloane out to get a gift as much as it would have pained me to spend the money. She never said nothing to me so I assumed it was all good.

  26. I guess due to the gift of gamblin Sloane has enough moolah to treat her muddah to something. Seriously though that is a tricky thing to navigate. As you said helping Sloane express her love is important. I’m sure next year there will be earrings again. Also- great hat.

  27. I laughed reading this Gary. I never got gifts for Mother’s Day not from HIM even during our marriage. I don’t hold that against him at all. Can care less to be honest. And he will never give my kids money to get me a gift. Again not really something I cry over. It’s the least of my problems. But I’m blessed to have schools that encourage kids to honour and respect moms by making special cards.
    I’m quite surprised though that the step dad, your ex’s husband, did not give anything to Sloane to get her mom a gift or a card…Says a lot about his person…

  28. I voted 🙂
    That’s weird about the Mother’s Day thing. My dad always took me out to get something for my mother, and vice versa. I always took my kids to get something their biological mother. I assume my husband did before we were married, but maybe I’m wrong. The ex let the kids pick things out for The Mister too. I dunno, to deny a kid that opportunity, that just seems like taking value away from the kids, not the parent. It’s been my experience that kids truly enjoy picking out gifts. It’s an excellent time to encourage thoughtful gifting, unlike the crazy hype of school holiday shops…
    I don’t understand what Sloane was doing with the pool noodle. Help me understand? I saw that on IG and wondered if she made a ribbon stick?

    The spread looks good, I’m glad you ate, drank (diet DrP) and be’d merry awhile 🙂

Tell Skipah all about it!