I’m Declaring War!

Day three into my new college career and so far so good!  Had a little too much to do last night to blog but I’m all caught up so let’s get the weekend kicked off with America’s newest hobby….blogging! (and the British apparently also)  There are more of us than an Indian masturbation club, and we all have our own various reasons for doing it; Therapy, self-promotion, fashion, how to win a toaster really pick a topic and you can find somebody who blogs about it.

The princess finally came home yesterday and the past two days have been…..um…….interesting to say the least.  Upon arrival at the lair yesterday I immediately knew something was out-of-place.  Once inside Hammy had managed to escape and evidently hacked my computer a few days ago because Amazon packages were sitting all over my living room and he was eating my peanut butter and crackers and drinking a beer and bitching it tasted like shit while watching The Americans season two that he evidently ordered.  The next hour of his life will forever scar him because the blonde bomber thought it was cool that he escaped.  His little eyes got as big as quarters when she came running after him and it was time to get “medieval.”  Interrogation methods included running around the house at full speed yelling “I’m home did you miss me Hammy” for about ten minutes until she her self was tired.  Pretty sure Hammy threw up or just took a big dump.

Next it was the torture ball for 20 or so minutes with her pushing the ball faster than his little legs could keep up.  I’m not a veterinarian but I’m willing to bet Hammy flipped over enough times that he has a grade one concussion.  He’s a tough seasoned veteran though because while slurring his words and saying he was seeing three of everything he still muttered some Russian curse word, Sloane decided he needed a break and decided to push him around in her mini Barbie car until she got frustrated with him because he kept trying to escape, finally in a “hamster gentrification” tactic she locked him up in her doll house that had Hammy ready to jump off the balcony.  This was the last straw though as he revealed where the lost Nerf ball was at.  He wouldn’t give up any vital KGB information but Sloane and I got to enjoy some Nerf hoops again for once.  As for Hammy his last words for the night were “morphine” and he also asked me if he could have a conjugal and said see Demetrius on the west side and tell him Agent X1231 was requesting a soda and he will know what to do.  I said rest up little buddy we can watch basketball tomorrow.  Quite the extensive network the KGB hamsters have in southern Indiana.


This concludes the Hammy portion of tonight’s post, publisher’s take note.  The hamster spy ring in this country is real and I can be the voice of reason because I live it every freaking day!

This school issue I wrote about a couple of nights ago and other issues are coming quick and fast, and I’m pissed off to the hilt!  This is the product of not seeing your child for eight days.  She has been mind f!cked, by selfish self-serving adults in her life.  No father, actually no parent should have to spend their first day back with their daughter in over a week correcting the number of ex wife’s her future stepdad has had.  It really shouldn’t even be up for discussion.  If you are too ashamed and fib the number four into the number three that’s great.  All my four-time divorcee friends like to shave that last one off also, oh wait I don’t have any friends that have been divorced four times (that I know of).

Having your daughter ask if she can be in a future wedding and I won’t get mad at her is not something I shouldn’t have to talk about either, I’ll give my daughter major props for showing her own internal integrity something she apparently learned from me, but I’m not going to say no and frankly “I don’t care.”  Spending thirty minutes with her after she went to bed because at the age of seven she is worried about getting dumped when she dates because of seeing her father get “dumped” and how bad I took it initially, wasn’t exactly the homecoming I was looking forward to.

My response to whoever is reading, go away!  Pack your bags get the hell out of here and just f!cking go away.  I’ll handle my daughter the best way I see fit and it will always be with her interests in mind.  I’m the good parent, I was in June, I was in July, I was any other month the past year.  To any adults that keep mind f!cking my daughter just stop immediately get out of her life and go live your new one.  After last night and my sweet and innocent seven-year old is worried about getting “dumped” and potentially not going to be able to attend her current school was the final straw for me.  My daughter is hurt and wounded and like her old man she’s holding it in.  Last night she cracked a bit, tonight she’s been bouncing around like she mainlined sugar all day (kids are resilient) I don’t hold it in anymore and blogging is the reason why!


Send Skipah Sailing!


  1. Hammy is quite the rodent, and thank you for all your support. I’ve tried is all I can say

  2. Oh Gary, That Hammy and his exploits are going to get him in deep water. Now that he has a mansion and a car, be careful, he will be bring operatives and what not back to the house soon enough.

    As for the other, I am so sorry that Sloane is having to deal with this. She is NOT her mother, and she will make the right choices, as you WILL be there to help and guide her. She will be a wonderful young lady who will break many hearts. As for the school thing I am going to keep my fingers crossed that ALL parties understand the vulnerability of a 7 years old, and that they can only take so much. That they need and crave stability and reliability. They needs the comforts of their peers and people who know them to get through and support them in the tough times. Here’s to hoping ALL parties do the right thing in the BEST interests of the child.


  3. Just to add to Jules’ comment….mean people holding a giant vacuum sucks both figuratively and literally!

    I know you could do without this comment, but if it comes to my mind, I MUST say/write it!

  4. Thanks Jules, mean people do suck

  5. Divorce sucks. Mean people suck. Divorcing mean people really sucks.

    Sucky stuff makes me speechless. Hugs. Peace to the hamster.

  6. I’ll have to butter him up with some more vodka and see if he can get his network to help me out!

  7. Man, that’s brutal, sorry for having to deal with that BS, Gary. Maybe the denim twins need a spy hamster to go in and sabotage everything! Just sayin 😉

    Hoping the rest of your time with Sloane is full of fun and no worries!

  8. Picture Gary banging his head against the wall repeatedly and that is what it is like trying to coparent. Thankfully no concussions yet!

  9. I am waiting to be executed in my sleep any day now!

  10. I hate it and right now I’m powerless to stop it. In-laws yikes that’s a problem I don’t have anymore thankfully. Thanks for stopping by and for the kind words I do the best I can with my daughter.

  11. I’m sorry, Gary. Your daughter doesn’t deserve the mind games. She’s a victim in this. Her mother needs to not forget that being a parent comes first.

  12. Hamsters are the f’n devil. Almost as bad as gerbils. But at least he has connections.

  13. I’m sorry you have to watch her go through that. It’s not quite the same, but I understand what you mean. I have to do a lot of fixing when my Little comes home from staying with my inlaws… And she rarely stays with them more than over night. Even if others involved in the equation are less than cooperative and supportive of your child’s needs, YOU are. That makes a difference. She’s lucky to have you.

  14. Trust me I know all about idiotic selfish parents as my ex is that and more. It hurts so very much to see our kids suffering and hurting and being mind fucked. ALL parents that do these horrible things should be executed by a shooting squad or whatever it’s called. Kids are innocent and should never be taken advantage of because of that. Enough said.

    xx Lysa

  15. Thanks Lysa, adults can be idiotic when they are selfish when it comes to there children.

  16. I’m so sorry that Sloane is going through ALL of this! It breaks my heart to read it. Sending lots of love and great big hugs to both of you!

Tell Skipah all about it!