I’m divorced! Only once not four times!


What do you do if you wake up at 4:30 in the morning and can’t go back to sleep?  Alarm clock is primed to have its own rock concert at in one hour, Hammy & Rosy were performing high level Olympic style training on their wheels so that didn’t help, internet was pretty dead at that hour also.  What does Skipah do?  He puts on his workout clothes and heads of for a walk.  Armed with the Katy Perry IHeart radio channel, a set of ear buds, and my company issued high res safety vest (a shade of neon that blind people would pick up) I set off in the dark for an early morning walk.  FYI, I wear khakis and collared shirts to work but if I as so much set a foot in the quarry I’ve got to wear the appropriate safety gear.  I’ve also got a Village People approved hard hat that has spent maybe a total of one hour on my head in 15 years.  I don’t mean to make fun of my company’s safety policies we actually had a tragic accident happen in Ohio two weeks ago so I totally get the emphasis on safety.  We are MSHA’s (that’s the mining OSHA) wet dream since we are a large company and have deep pockets.  They love to fine us for not taking out the trash in the office correctly.  Yes, that actually happened one year!

This wasn’t just any walk, it was four miles at breakneck pace taking inventory of everything that has happened and is about to happen.  My daughter has ZERO desire to leave this area, my ex-wife is undocumented (as of now) certifiably crazy, and her new step dad has raised his own children (that he speaks to) about as well as I could raise an elephant in the dessert.  These thoughts and many other went through my head this early morning.  As the general of Skipah’s Army I can’t divulge my plan of attack because my chief blog stalker will see, but in eight words all I can say is, I was always smarter than you ex-wife!  Win or lose Monday I’m going to win going forward because I was the better parent and a year of your stupidity is about to be rained down on you.

This is what else I figured out on my walk and after a conversation Sloane’s stepdad’s ex-wife number four this evening.  He dumber than a bag of hammers and doesn’t even know it yet, well he should he is from Appalachia territory.  He has gotten himself set up worse than I ever did last year or the preceding year following.  He’s lost half of the house he bought and doesn’t even know it yet.  Mrs. Oxford shirts and designer purses isn’t going to take to podunk Kentucky life for very long but she has to, filing bankputcy you need somebody to float you along while you rebuild your credit!  According to ex-wife number four Lawrenceburg, KY might as well be New York City to him he is so lost not being in the “country”, hey I see what is driving him she’s 11 years his junior trust me I would parade around a 27 year old myself like I just hit the lottery if it were me.  Enough about those two though.  God, karma, and idiocy will all factor in one day.  All I can say if the dumbass wants to make my Sloane’s mother lock herself in a bathroom again I’ll give him pointers just don’t do it in front of my daughter or you will get a visit from Skipah and trust me it won’t be pretty.  My seven year old daughter knows how to use the internet better than you, where do you think she learned it from?

I have a top secret meeting tomorrow with one of my lieutenants and it can’t do anything for me by Monday, but you can bet your ass I will be the last guy in the state of Indiana to ever get put through this absolute chicanery that is family court/law!  Preliminary talks through email and messaging the Indiana statute that says I get 90 days’ notice of relocation will be addressed.  I have no idea how Monday will go, but if an elected official rules against me based on Indiana law let’s just say I’ve got a counter to that also.

On a more positive note tomorrow is school registration!  I get to see all the wonderful people at school, answer the 1,000 questions I’m sure that will be asked (people are nosy, but I don’t mind), I would even ask if Sloane could come with me but I just choked on a wad of bullshit just typing it.  I have thought for the last two years that starting school at the end of July was stupid, this year hell frigging yes!  I can’t wait to see all faculty that helped me out so much this summer and last school year.  The principal who is doing everything she can for me, the super cool/awesome lunch room Nazi (I kid because I care), you know what else I was told its bad form to trash the ex.  I never trashed her with any of Sloane’s school family, like I have said a million times “Actions speak louder than words”, thankfully my school community looks out for Sloane and I!

About it for tonight, going to be a why isn’t alcohol allowed at work kind of day tomorrow, and I’ve got some more Indiana statutes to look over.  #SloaneStaysHomee, is my pure focus right now.  Win or lose I’m going to go down fighting!

Send Skipah Sailing!


  1. Soap opera are at least some what believable!

  2. I’ve got a lot going going Mike, people are amazing is all I can say!

  3. A sneaky plan! I love it. I also love the countdown timer. #SloaneStaysHome

  4. I keep hearing of this rumor called karma, hope it’s true!

  5. Good luck for Monday!! Karma has a way of taking care of things. All the best x

  6. You have just jumped to the top of the list of Skipah’s favorite blog comment ever!

  7. We big city people do love a good rant about country folk. We think our own country folk are exceptions, of course.

    It’s my experience that when a suitor marries a woman and takes her out into the country, where he’s from, it’s an attempt to socially isolate her and control her environment. He’ll set up house, guard her like a watchdog, make all the rules…With any luck, he’ll destroy her self-esteem, and probably knock her up.
    I’m biased though, having seen it 5 times in 20 years.

  8. she’s definitely crazy

  9. Eep, I’ll be thinking of you and the blonde bomber all Monday! Not that I’m worried 😉

  10. Well said pal, thanks for all your support.

  11. Might have to sell tickets!

  12. Almost like a soap opera. LOL

  13. I have no clue what it is, but sounds like you got some good stuff working under that hardhat! I’m still nervous for you, but we all know you’re the real winner no matter the outcome on Monday like you said.

  14. Hopefully lots of those parents can help fill the Scott County courthouse Monday. Although everyone should probably carpool. I don’t think there is enough parking in the whole county to accommodate vehicles for all of Skipah’s Army!

Tell Skipah all about it!