It’s a freaking shot!

I’m not a doctor, nor am I licensed nurse, I have zero medical training (although I did dissect a baby pig many years ago), and I’m not a scientist.  Luckily though I have some shred of common sense I think, some people would probably argue otherwise, but who are the morons that aren’t getting their kids vaccinated?  It’s called the MMRV vaccination, it’s an injection, and it’s probably going to sting a little bit.  It may or may not get your child sick for a short period, but you know what your child will never have to worry about after that?  The awesomeness that is The Measles, The Mumps, Rubella, and Chicken Pox (the V is for Varicella but we all had the chicken pox as kids so dammit that’s what I’m going with).  Luckily though I never had the other three, when Sloane had to get her shots I was the one who usually took her.  I frigging hated it, watching your little girl scream her lungs out because she just took a shot is hard for any parent to digest, but you know what she survived!  You better come at me with the ghost of Jonas Salk and a team of doctors from the Center for Disease Control to give me a decent explanation on why you chose not to have your child vaccinated.  You are only putting your child and others at risk!  You antivaxxers can all join your own little support group and I will set you idiots up with your own little website asking for donations so you all can move to some remote region of the world (like say Campton, Kentucky).  I’ll even do this for free because I’m a nice guy, and obviously all of you are too frigging dumb to probably operate a computer let alone set up a fundraiser.  After six months and your foundation has raised .68 cents from the night clerk employee from Circle K that is cleaning out the “leave a penny/take a penny” bucket because they didn’t feel like pocketing it.  I’m feeling so damn generous I’ll even put up promotional literature at MY local Circle K, I know the manager well and I’m sure he would let me do this for your group.  You idiots ever heard of Polio?  Look it up, oh that’s right I forgot you’re too damn dumb to use the internet.  Instead go to your local library before we ship you all off to podunk land and read up on it.  Better yet call me because with your mental ineptitude I have zero confidence you can understand the Dewey Decimal System, it’s not easy for us “normal” people but I think I can remember how it worked.  If not I’ll get on the computer and try to explain what the internet is to your people.  Better yet I just came up with a better idea!!!!  Once your tribe is relocated to the hills and hollers of Eastern Kentucky I will come and preach to your group.  Obviously, you all (y’all will be the way you say that once you relocate) are morons so I will indoctrinate everyone to read only this blog!  I’m a genius!  Wait never mind, not even a quick spike in user stats is worth associating with you idiots.  The bottom line is GET YOUR KIDS VACCINATED!  Even my batshit crazy ex-wife would agree (I think).

Speaking of the former Mrs. Mathews, I’m about one more night of silly co-parenting and then I’m starting a separate blog or a new page on here that I will have to password protect.  This woman never ceases to amaze me, literally never, a month ago I would have gone Harry Truman WWII ballistic after tonight.  I’m sick of lawyering up and already have a serious ass ripping coming next Tuesday so this one will just go in the imaginary file that non-custodial men keep in the hopes that one day a judge will quit using outdated information and years of a bullshit stereotypes when the BIG war that is brewing comes up at the end of the summer.  I 100% confirmed tonight that she has no plans of agreeing to send our child back to the school she has spent her first three years at.  Never mind it’s all her friends and the two of us together can afford it.  Also dear Mrs. Bitter man hater mom, take your “best interest of the child” argument and shove it up your ass so far you choke.  Tomorrow is the monthly community dinner at my daughter’s school.  I willingly chose to give up Wednesday for Thursday’s during basketball season since practice is on Wednesday.  Amazingly Mrs. Wonderful agreed after a week of stonewalling and letting me hang myself with colorful language.  Tonight during my nightly texting session with my daughter (yes you antivaxxers my daughter even knows modern science and technology, MORONS) I asked if she was going to the school activity after practice.  She told me no, mommy won’t let her, I then asked did she want to go and she responded she did, so then I told her I’ll just have her Wednesday instead of Thursday so she could be sure to go.  No mommy said we already switched (mind you this is “gentleman’s agreement” via email and not a court order AMAZINGLY).  I told our daughter I would talk to mommy, so after Sloane was asleep I texted the former Mrs. Mathews and asked her if she was going out-of-town Thursday for some Mr. Wonderful geriatric love and that was the reason she wouldn’t switch.  “No I’m not going out-of-town”, alrighty then, and any reason we can’t switch?  Because we already have an agreement in place and that is something we never took her to last year.  Hey EX guess what it’s a new year, and new people (including me!) Why just yesterday when dropping off Sloane’s Nintendo DS that didn’t get packed we had a small discussion on school next year, her response was “Who knows about school next year, I mean I didn’t think I would be divorced a year ago.”  Yes you did you manipulative bitch, To quote a Skipah’s Realm favorite “You held me down, but I got up (HEY!), Already brushing off the dust”, and “Now I’m floating like a butterfly stinging like a bee I earned my stripes I went from zero, to my own hero” (and loyal reader if you don’t know who penned these quotes then you need to join the new group I’m setting up in Eastern Kentucky)  Now you recklessly are destroying my daughter’s life.  Before school starts next year you bet your ass you are going to hear me “Roar” before this all over!  I eventually told her screw our “unofficial” custody agreement.  I’ll lose an hour a week with her if Sloane gets to do what she wants!  Wrapping it up for tonight, it’s about time for “Justified” and yes loyal reader, new reader, or some person in Cambodia who just found this site they really are that ass backwards in certain parts of Eastern Kentucky.  Only I’m the Raylan Givens in this world when it comes to my daughter!!!!!!!!!!!