Maple Trees are Boring

Never underestimate the scent of a Hot Maple Toddy!

Something happened this week that hasn’t happened since Mr. Skipah was a spry young genius at the age of nine in 1985.  All I remember back in that era was the Challenger space shuttle blowing up and I would take an epic ass kicking from my uncle in games of H-O-R-S-E on my little Nerf goal that you had to lick the suction cups to get to adhere to the window.  The taste of rubber suction cups still resonates in my head today and may have caused my addiction to Diet Dr. Pepper.  I’m still waiting on clinical studies to be performed to zero in on this.

I don’t consider Skipah’s Realm a place to get your latest and local sporting news, but I’ve been known to wax poetic about the Cincinnati Reds and bitch and moan about the Indiana Hoosiers (Leading the Big Ten as of this publication) on occasion.  In an effort to get the Title IX crowd of my ass on all things NCAA related I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that the University of Tennessee Lady Volunteers are out of the Associated Press top 25 rankings for the first time since the Reagan administration.  Thirty freaking years of being ranked is quite an accomplishment!  I fully expect the University of Connecticut Lady Huskies to take this over eventually and hopefully I can quit receiving hate mail from the Title IX mafia!

The Madison Auto War is in full swing now.  The soldiers of General Matriarch called bullshit on the Chrysler Pacifica and had it checked out by a trusted ally.  He said “no go” the exhaust system is going to need replaced soon and steer clear of it.  General Matriarch is now positioning troops all over the surrounding counties to ambush unsuspecting car dealerships on the soon to be seen “shock and awe” campaign she is launching.  In an unrelated note I’m sleeping in the garage tonight after writing a post about car shopping and jinxing it a day later.  Look for Instagram photos of me resting uncomfortably on a memory foam mattress made out of cement and gravel.  I have full confidence that team Miss Madison will win this war, just have to wait them out and keep gathering intel, and quit blogging about potential car buys!

Thankfully, I’m pretty sure the Madison County Auto War will net Miss Madison a better ride than this!

So that means the I’m zipping my lip for now and planning on a late night commando raid in dare I say it….Kentucky….to do some investigative snooping at a dealership in LaGrange, KY (ZZ Top fan put down the hippie lettuce for a bit wrong state) followed with a super clandestine artic ninja mission to Scottsburg, IN (Yes that Scottsburg) to put fake bullet holes on another potential vehicle to knock a few thousand off of it.  This could be a life or death mission for me because Hammy found out through the back channels that the bounty is 1,000,000 for my head in the great Commonwealth of Kentucky.  As far as Scottsburg goes one wrong move and I could shank myself on a used hypodermic needle.  The things men do for their women!

On to more germane topics like namely who is reading this in Bermuda?  Quick check of the numbers and I’ve got a kilt wearing beach comber reading me from time to time.  Please come forward, we need to talk, like yesterday.  Do you want me to come out there for a one on one interview for the yet unreleased magazine Skipah’s Fireside Chats.  I was thinking of launching and interviewing divorced dads on how they dealt with the batshit crazy people in their life and didn’t kick in stained glass windows while trying to co-parent with narcissists, but I haven’t even pitched the idea to the Vice President yet so we can always change the format.  I think an on location interview with the Atlantic Ocean as a back drop would be the perfect start to my newest venture.

Sushi on the banks of the Atlantic?  Sign me up!

I only need you to provide me with a valid passport, airline tickets, and make sure your fridge is stocked with Diet Dr. Pepper.  I won’t need accommodations since I will be in Bermuda I am pretty sure there will be a vacant palm tree that will shelter me for an evening.

Speaking of tropical locales let’s hear it for Lisa Dorenfest, she is the winner of the #SkippingWithSloane fundraising drive.  When she finds the time to quit globetrotting I’m letting her steer this ship, pun intended for a day.  Lisa is currently in the Australia area living like a teenager and taking way too many awesome pictures to make all her readers green with envy.  At least me, I’m stuck looking at naked maple trees this time of year, the only thing more boring is looking at maple trees with leaves.  I also have to give a tremendous shout out to my main man Bun Karyudo, who fought the ghost of Emperor Hirohito himself to make a sizeable donation on Sloane’s behalf.

Actually thank you to everyone who donated, we didn’t make a 1000 bucks like I had originally hoped but between my online army and the locals Sloane has raised more than enough to be in the drawing for an IPad Mini.  When I get Sloane back home this weekend she is sending out virtual thank you cards (even if she doesn’t know it) to each and every one of you, and stand by for an Australian takeover (the first time that’s ever been typed in recorded history) from Miss Lisa in the near future.

About it for tonight, I’ve got to run to Walmart to grab some of those fake bullet hole stickers and see if I can still fit into my ninja gear.  Some potentially big news coming up in the future, no I’m not engaged, and no I’m not saying yet……read previous paragraph about jinxing.  All is good though for me and company coming to you live from Madison, Indiana!

Send Skipah Sailing!


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  2. Native Hoosier? Southern part? Details man, details man!

  3. I love the humor! I also enjoy the references to places near where I grew up in Indiana.

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  5. Sloane would LOVE it here. So many cool animals. I have wallabies, kangaroos and emus on Instagram. Goals is to find a Tasmanian Devil…I’ve been told I remind people of them…not sure that is a good thing 🙂

  6. The original goal of a 1000 was a bit of a pipe dream, I was secretly hoping Donald Trump would find this place somehow and contribute! Take your time on anything for my site, I know you’ve got a ton going on. It’s your home for a day though when you find the time! Again thank you so much for your charity, Sloane is also envious now of your current location after I showed her all the pictures from your site.

  7. Ahoy from Sydney! Thank you for the lovely shout out Gary. I am very proud of Sloane for volunteering and was happy to give her my support (much better to give cash than to have jump rope myself ….I tried recently and found those days are far behind me :-). While you were unable to raise $1000, I am delighted to see that Sloane exceeded her personal fund raising goal of $225 and was entered into the iPad Mini draw. As far as taking the helm of your hysterical blog for a day, while I certainly lack your eloquence and wit, I am up to the challenge. It may be awhile as things are a bit chaotic here at the moment, but inspiration will come and when it does, watch out!. 🐨🇦🇺⛵️

  8. That’s what I’m screaming!

  9. A decent car sale’s man will figure out the bullet holes are fakes, but it might be worth a shot! What have you got to lose?

  10. I’m just relieved it got there. I gave it directions, but still… 🙂

  11. Thank you again for the donation! Never underestimate an emperor ghost which obviously you didn’t since your charitable gift made to the states!

  12. Can’t get here soon enough!

  13. Don’t forget to include head lice, 17 different strands of the flu, and coin rollers!

  14. I’m relieved you got the donation in the end. Hirohito put up a quite a struggle for an old (and dead) guy. It was for two good causes at the same time, though, so I was happy to send it.

  15. I’m also sick of bare maple trees, but soon they’ll be clothed! Yippee!

  16. Walmart cover everything, don’t they? Chips, dips, helping fake ninjas get money off cars…!

  17. Walmart is bound to have them right? Or hell they might even sell real bullet holes!

  18. Miss Madison is going to LOVE the moped reference LOL.

    Unfortunately I think there is plenty of gun firing and bourbon drinking at the same time in Scottsburg!

    I had LOW LOW LOW expectations on the Sushi, but as usual I was proven to be an idiot. If you are ever in the Hwy 62/Hwy 56 vicinity stop into The Fresh Cut and tell them I sent you!

  19. Isn’t that the truth on Walmart…geez! The Lady Huskies should just move to the WNBA!

  20. This has me cracking up! Good luck with the fake bullet hole stickers!

  21. Good luck at Walmart and with getting into your ninja gear. There’s always a story waiting to be written when you go to Walmart. Sorry about the Lady Vols, but I’m a UCONN fan. Go huskies!

  22. Y’all should get a moped for the summer. Macklemore says they’re all the rage 😉

    Ah, Scottsburg. where I fired my first weapon and drank my first bourbon. Not at the same time! Plus, other stuff too naughty for public admission, how teenagers are.

    Mmm, sushi.

  23. Thanks for donating, I think any fundraiser I do from now on that will be the reward…blog ownership of my daily dribble. Again thank you from me and Sloane for taking the time to throw some charity her way. I don’t know the numbers yet but I’m pretty sure she was one of the top fundraisers in her class.

  24. That makes two of us! You should check her out if you like anything Aussie!

  25. Thanks Carol, don’t let the title fool you on that one :).

  26. Disappointed to learn I didn’t win the take-over, but glad to hear Sloane is in the drawing!

  27. Congrats to Lisa, can’t wait to see how she handles the ship for a day!

  28. You’re seriously hilarious. Just thought I’d tell you. But now I see you have apost about a place I love, Key West, clicking over to read it now.

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