My Favorite Color is Red

Happy Mother’s Day to  all the fine moms in Skipah Land today, I hope you had a wonderful time with your children and families and the kids and spouses let you enjoy “your” day.  I’ve already wished my mother a Happy Mother’s Day but since she is my biggest fan I’ll wish her a Happy Mother’s Day right here on the blog.  Love you mom, thank you for sticking by me I know the past year hasn’t been the easiest on you or me, but I’m still here and still fighting and hopefully this nightmare goes away very soon!

All kinds of adventures for me this week, a quick walk for my daily dose of the liquid nectar yesterday morning turned into an impromptu four mile jaunt that concluded with a trip to…….Wal-Mart!  Wal-Mart on a Saturday on Mother’s Day eve is exactly like you would expect it to be.  At least it was early enough in the day that that I didn’t have to get the full Walmartians experience, I think I only saw one kid get the shit beat out of him, two attempts at shoplifting, and one very irate customer who was pissed something wrung up .40 cents more than what she was expecting.  By the way this was just in the self-checkout line.  Wal-Mart entertaining the masses for years!

Why was I at Wal-Mart?  I had to get a gift for my little tomato headed buddy (red head) and a couple of ingredients to make my world famous brownie bundt cake for his first communion party that I was attending.  I asked Sloane’s mother if I could take her Sloane, but they weren’t going to be home in time (so she says) for me to take her so I went at it alone.  The brownie cake was a dessert fail as for the second time in two weeks it didn’t come out of the mold properly.  I was able to at least salvage it and make “brownie bites” the red icing was in honor of his red head.  I’m cool like that.  I did set a personal record for most F bombs released in a thirty second span after yet another cake disaster.

This turned into this!

Was supposed to look like this!

The party itself was a good time and I got in some excellent “farmer’s tan” time.  My arms and legs now look like something Adonis would be jealous of.  I should have brought my swim trunks but I didn’t want to scare the little children away and have all the adults upgrading their sunglasses to the darkest hue possible so I passed on the swim part of the party and focused on important things like eating and making bad jokes.  After I got home the sun had done a number on me as I was actually kind of tired and felt like I was emitting radiation.  Nothing like that first day of the year of being in the sun all day.  At least I now have a solid “base” tan for the farmer’s tan calendar shoot I may or may not be participating in later this summer.

No dates this weekend, however, I have a bona fide red head that I have started talking to.  Red is my favorite color and the Cincinnati Reds are my favorite baseball team, Indiana University is red and white (or crimson and cream depending on who you ask), and so maybe red is a good thing.  Red is also where my checking account hovers around so maybe I’m destined for more red in my future.  The lunch date from last week was just that, we are in different places in life and no big deal she was honest about it and I can’t disagree with her so next up!  I might actually get the hang of this online dating stuff down, this woman, has become my personal coach.  Blogger world is fantastic, I can’t stress this enough, some of my best friends now I’ll probably never meet but we all offer each other advice and tips.  Parenting, life, dating, recipes, you name it our community is quick to step in and help anyway they can.

I’ve made friends with people in Phoenix, Dallas, Miami, Chicago, and the U.K..  If I lived anywhere near any of these folks we would have weekly gatherings of dinner and good times.  We are all in different phases of life, but they all have my back in when it comes to Sloane and the absolute bullshit I have to go through right now.  It’s well documented on here everything I’ve been through since last June, this is my post-divorce online team.  They may not know it, but each one of them has helped me out in one way or another.  A witty joke, sage advice, or just getting my mind off of the prospect of losing my daughter.

Speaking of my daughter we had a short abbreviated evening, but she was all smiles tonight.  I was hoping she hadn’t eaten yet because I made her one of her favorites….chicken wings!  Alas, she had already eaten so it was just me to enjoy some bbq grilled wings, but we had a pleasant time none the less.  She didn’t get to hang out with Mr. Wonderful  this weekend so that was a good thing, instead she spent a whole weekend with her mom.  I think she was thrilled it was just those two and she got to see her friend from out of town.  The old normal for her, hopefully tonight I don’t get any four a.m. wake up calls from her and can actually sleep!


About it for tonight, the lawnmower crapped out on me AGAIN today, this time I ripped the pull start out (after getting the fuel line fixed) and once again used my weed eater to “mow” my grass.  Did solidify my bitching farmers tan and my left bicep is now throbbing, but hey my grass is mowed!

Send Skipah Sailing!


  1. runawaynunsandleprechauns

    From the looks of it this “follow” promises to be nothing short of informative AND funny… and those two characteristics just happen to be the two that keep us coming back for more!
    Greetings from runawaynunsandleprechauns~ come on over and check us out~~~

  2. I’ve always wanted to visit Australia does that count?

  3. Goodness you’re hilarious. I wish you live closer so I could set you up with my sister. She seems to only date idiots. But Australia may be a tad far for you xxx #BigTopBlogParty

  4. My apologies to the Swiss follower also.

  5. Don’t forget Switzerland! You have friends in Switzerland too.
    And you know, I have also screwed up a brownie recipe but it turned out tasting quite all right in the end. So…win?

  6. Can’t complain on the dating scene, dinner party can be at your place since you know it’s Miami and not vacation destination New Albany, IN!

  7. Miami in the house!! You’ve got friends everywhere! We’d definitely be doing dinner parties and fun stuff! Sloane and She-ra would be bffs! :)

    Love the Wal-martians… that cracks me up!

    So… you’ve been having fun on the dating scene! I’m glad! Love hearing about it!
    Enjoy your farmers tan! LOL!

  8. Your advice is greatly appreciated, I don’t know what happened to me I’ve lost my magic touch!

  9. You are a brave man to face Walmart on Mother’s Day eve! Glad it wasn’t to horrific. It sounds like you are getting the dating scene down so you can have some fun, that’s awesome. Glad I am not having to face that at this point in my life, I am not sure I would handle it well. It is not for the weak of heart. I am lucky to be in a long running marriage, even though it has its own challenges, it is a comfortable life with my very best friend. One secret to baking in a Bundt pan is you have to grease that puppy up in a big way before you put the batter in, use a brush to make sure every nook and cranny is liberally coated (shortening is great to use) then coat the layer of “grease” with flour. Put loose flour in the bundt pan and shake it all around until all of the grease is covered in flour. Tap out the loose leftover flour. Make sure you coat where the tube meets the slanted edges. Cooking sprays make what you are baking brown too fast but they will work, just use a lot and still coat it with flour! Then pour your batter in. After baking-Let it cool for 10 minutes with a clean dishcloth on top of the pan (the steam helps the sides release) Then remove the cake. If you let it cool longer than 10 min it will stick and fall apart, too. Sorry about the long Martha Stewart moment…
    Have a great week! :)

  10. Taste wasn’t a problem, just presentation!

  11. Hey, it’s not how the cake looks that matters. It’s how it tastes. Though if it looks bad AND tastes bad…I can’t help you there.

  12. Oh and just wanted to say thank you for the anonymous shout out! You are a wonderful friend and have helped me out more than once in the course of our friendship! It goes without saying that I’ll always have your back and thanks for having mine! The weekly dinner thing would be a blast too bad we do live so far away from one another. But, I will meet you in person some day you mark my words.

  13. My arm is killing me today! Get some sleep, sucks about the flight home.

  14. Happy Belated Mother’s Day Mrs. Mathews!

    Hey Gary,

    So happy to hear you were able to spend time with Sloane last night! You were cracking me up with the whole farmers tan thing. Especially at the end because I now have the most hilarious image of you in a wife beater rockin’ your farmers tan and one arm liking like it belongs to Popeye and the other arm just really looks deformed in comparison! Bwahaha If only I had my sister’s artistic abilities I would draw you a picture so you could see how truly funny it is!

    Happy Monday! Hope this week is off to a terrific start for you! As for me I’m going back to bed! The flight back home Saturday night was rough on me and I’ve been having “issues” with my feet ever since!

    Much love,
    Lysa xx

  15. I try to protect her every way I can

  16. I’m not single or dating, I just like your stories and your sometimes hilarious and sometimes heartbreaking rants. The ‘click-on’ Skipah dictionary is fabulous btw. My own daughter, who is still as young as Sloane in my mind, went ‘walkabout’ a year ago after her Mr. Wonderful left her heart mangled like a piece of meat dropped in a blender, If only we could protect our precious daughters from the evils of the world. That never changes when they’re 7 or 27.

  17. That’s part of the problem I think, no time to let it rest properly. Wal-Mart is free entertainment if you can stomach the crowd, that’s a big IF though.

  18. Glad to be a part of you long-distance support team man, we’re always here to back you up! Maybe one day we’ll all get the chance to hang out with some good food and drink.

    Do you let the cake rest in the pan before trying to remove? I know if you let it cool in the fridge for several hours, the cake should contract and the sides normally pull away themselves. That is, if you have the time to wait.

    Wal-Mart is a joke, sorry you had to experience it’s wrath. Costco was pretty crazy on Mother’s Day Eve as well, but no where close to Walmartians.

    Keep on keepin’ on, and have a great Monday!

  19. :), your tips are working.

  20. Thanks for the shout out! Hope some of my dating tips helped. I’m texting several guys right now, even after ditching Bachelor Number 2, so I must be doing something right 😉


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