Hey Floridian, that’s what snow looks like!
I’ve picked out a brand new mahogany desk for the corporate office, the Lear jet is on order, and the Cincinnati Reds are about to get a new majority partner that will spend money on talent and not give it away for a ball washing kit and a bag of peanuts! I’ve already booked Miss Madison a flight to Paris for the week and the Skipah’s Realm executive staff will be catching a midnight red eye to Las Vegas for some long overdue casino adventures!
Kentuckian that’s like two lifetimes worth of Ale 8’s!
How am I going to do this you ask? I’ve used my inside connections with the state lottery commission and I already have the winning Powerball numbers in my possession. Look for a future blog post on everything Camouflage Cindy’s Interior Decorating Service has to offer has payback. Her store is located in the majestic wasteland known as Evansville, Indiana and for a small donation to her company’s bottom line she will outfit your house so that even the dust bunnies will blend right in. The connections I’ve made in the seedy underworld of blogging are about to pay huge dividends! Evidently Cindy has more dirt on the lottery director than the local landfill.
Since I won’t be needing an alarm clock anymore I’ve donated mine to science. I don’t think they will put up to much of a fuss at work (well maybe there are fourteen of us in the pool), but my lasting impression of my former employer will be witnessing the art of falconry!
I said falconry not Falcon Crest Mr. Eighties! Lorenzo Lamas and Jane Wyman didn’t visit me this weekend at work. Instead it was a group from the Indiana Falconers Association that was seeking permission to let their ominous birds of prey (pipe down Trekkie, no Vulcans here) do their thing at the quarry. Their thing is hunting rabbits and any other unfortunate rodent that happens to draw their attention.
Meet Shadow, he was looking for Foghorn Leghorn and came up empty!
You can’t stop me you can only hope to contain me!
Before the bunny commission starts picketing me, I must say I don’t care one bit if you are into hunting or not. Personally I’m not, however, being an armchair gardener in my past life I know what those destructive vegetarians can do to a garden. If I ever get into gardening again I’m hiring my new found friends to spend a day or two at my house and let Shadow and his winged gang of assassins eradicate the rabbit population in my sector of the planet. Rabbits will deplete your garden before it ever has a chance to take off if you don’t contain them.
Psst “Be very very quiet, I’m hunting rabbit!”
I’ve heard all the other “less” cruel remedies to rid your garden of these pesky varmints. I had zero luck with the human hair approach, and besides who wants to handle hair. Hair is gross! I learned on The Lion King about the circle of life and I’m not one to stand in nature’s way. Seriously, though if you ever get a chance to see real life falconry in action it’s well worth it. Since I’m about to become a billionaire I think one of the first checks I’ll write in my new philanthropy career will be to the Indiana Falconers Association!
North American Goshawk, my advice is don’t piss him off! He stalks rabbits better than any of my blog stalkers!
So far the transition to Madison, Indiana is going great! Miss Madison gives me a dozen or so eye rolls an evening and I keep showing off my magician skills in the kitchen. Too any male that has to go through divorce all I can tell you it does get better, karma is beautiful to watch play out (even if it takes too damn long sometimes) and your patience will be rewarded! Take me for instance I’m about to become a freaking billionaire! With that kind of money I’ll start my own pro bono Funded Justice page and no dad will ever go through what I’ve gone through. Plus I’ll need the tax write off!
Miss Madison is quickly learning I can destroy a kitchen in mere seconds!
About it for tonight, Miss Madison is practicing up on her French, and I’m looking up Super Bowl odds. Hopefully this time tomorrow night I’m tipping waitresses with 100 dollar chips and channeling my inner Rain Man at the blackjack tables!