The Girl Scout Cookie War!

The happiest critter in the whole world tonight is Hammy, no more diabolical torture for him for a couple of days.  Sloane is finally getting her two-day vacation at grandma’s (my mom) the next two nights.  He got one last shake down before we left but he’s now resting peacefully.  These damn KGB trained Russian dwarf hamsters are durable and stubborn.  Sloane asked me this evening if they make hamster clothes, so when he is in the annual hamster Ugly Sweater Contest at Christmas next year we will see what he really is made of.

Starting yesterday for those of you who didn’t know, it’s Girl Scout cookie time!  Sloane is a Brownie and her dad has turned into a computer ninja this past year, so I’m making it my goal for her to be the top seller.  I was going to take full advantage of the fact the GSA went digital this year and allowed for online cookie sells.  Even set Sloane up her own little store website that I spent weeks on ready for this big rollout on January 1.  I had all these big plans for Sloane to be the super seller and win a trip to Disney or get free Super Bowl tickets (FYI, Katy Perry is playing the halftime show, just saying).  One small problem though I found out today, evidently the GSA uses a hybrid platinum/gold/silver box for shipping.  Eleven frigging dollars and twenty-five cents will get you up to six boxes shipped, more than six it just costs more.  I’ve never worked at UPS, Fed Ex, or the USPS but last time I checked a cookie wasn’t treated like live organs or a Hazmat container when being shipped.  Millionaires wouldn’t pay that for an already overpriced cookie (I know it’s a fundraiser), but good lord.  A box of Girl Scout cookies weighs what, 12-16 ounces?  If you wanted to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies it will cost you $32.25 they are tasty, but good grief it’s not like they are covered in some chocolate that was made from a cocoa bean in a remote region of France or using peanut butter that was genetically created for optimum flavor.  So needless to say after seeing the shipping charges today, I scrapped the online store because who in the hell is going to pay that kind of cabbage to have cookies shipped.  I haven’t made any friends with Arab oil tycoons (they are gazillionaires, worth much more than millionaires).

So instead I’m launching phase two of my all out Girl Scout cookie media blitz.  I’m going to kick the ex-wife’s ass on cookie sales.  The more I sell or the more she sells only benefits my daughter, her troop, and the Girl Scouts, she wanted me to be more interactive some months ago, well she is about to find out just how I roll now.  Call it my parting gift to her, luckily I have more than six people who like me, live in a BIG neighborhood (and haven’t seen too many girls Sloane’s age in the immediate area), and I’m socially active.  So I’m waging my own internal war with the ex to sell more cookies.  I had a grand vision I could use my blog and computer ninja skills to really boost sales, but I’ll just do it the old-fashioned way.  Hard work and a bigger Facebook friends list!  Neither of us works at a “large” factory or some large office so it’s all about the ground game.  Like I said earlier this month also I am still friends with repeat customers that bought more than the complimentary box of cookies just to get us to leave them alone.  It’s my current short-term goal, it started when I asked her for the “big” sign up sheet and she instead gave me the little one.  I’m going to do all I can to out sell the ex, help Sloane’s troop get top dog status in the area, and hopefully get Sloane a trip to Disney or me to the Super Bowl!

P.S. anybody reading this that still wants to buy Girl Scout Cookies and pay the crazy shipping costs please contact me I will be more than glad to fulfill your request!


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  4. And now back to reality. These are way over priced commercially made cookies.

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  6. Wow! I thought the yearly sponsored readathon was stress enough! Good luck 🙂

  7. LOL… Good luck on those cookie sales. Sounds like you and the ex have some healthy competition between the two of you.

  8. Good post! Don’t let her win….show mum who is boss!

Tell Skipah all about it!