The Texas Two Step

Would somebody send me an umbrella?  Not just any umbrella either one that can combat this acid rain that constantly falls from this dark cloud that will not go away!  Diagnosis on the car today is it needs a new motor as apparently it threw a rod out.  Yippee frigging Skippy (pun intended), at this point carjacking is sounding like a viable option.  Sick and frigging tired of bad luck, Murphy’s Law, or whatever other “cute” saying there is for shitty forthcomings.  Hopefully I’ve tagged Katy Perry enough that someone in her camp will actually get back to me and she will take pity on me!  At least the Reds have won four in a row!  In other news there still double digit games behind the Cardinals in the division.

I got TWO donations for “Kisses for Karsyn” yesterday!  My fundraising career is off to a furious start, I’m hoping to leverage it into one of those cushy non-profit executive posts where the CEO skims off the top and lives a lavish lifestyle until he gets caught.  Just kidding, but thank you to the two of you that donated.  I am sure Karsyn’s family appreciates it more though, just click on the adorable picture of her at the bottom of your mobile browser or in the upper right hand corner if on a computer and throw Karsyn some love.  Remember loyal reader Sloane is banking on a T-shirt if I raise enough money and trust me you do not want to let her down!  Also if you have any leftover change after your three figure donation to “Kisses for Karsyn” you could contribute to my dad blogger buddy who is trying to keep children healthy himself with his participation in the Great American Milk Drive.

With all the friends I’ve got in Texas now I’m going to have to take a trip down there.  I actually lived there once when I was the ripe old age of four.  My memories of Houston are vague at best but I do remember the Astrodome, we lived on the second floor of an apartment building that you walked upstairs from the outside, and an infant neighbor whacked my three year old sister upside the head with a wooden shoe.  Rumor has it Texas has changed a little bit since then and I’ve been told to stay the hell away from Houston if I can.  So depending on how much car repairs are, this never frigging ending divorce/custody arrangement, and whatever shitty luck that I’m sure is coming my way maybe in the future I’ll remake the south Skipah style.  Don’t worry Texans I know how to smoke meat over mesquite and I own a pair of cowboy boots.

I may have to borrow a ten gallon hat though they don’t sell those in Indiana.  I’ve met one fellow blogger since I’ve been doing this shit, and it was a short abbreviated visit since it was on a school night but look forward to making it happen if it works out, he’s from Cleveland and has been talking way to much shit in my Dad Blogger group about the Cavaliers.  Hell I’m ready to try that new age concept of “air travel” again a year ago I would freak the hell out when my ex was on an iron bird.  Stay tuned, plenty of Mega Million and Powerball drawings coming up or I could invent an allergy meth like substance that cures allergy.  I could be the Walter White of allergies remedies and get rich that way!  Okay off to read up on my chemistry and pollen derivatives.

Hammy is about to get himself a new roommate and neither he nor Sloane now about it yet.  I griped and bitched about getting a second hamster but an opportunity came before me this week that was too good to pass up (i.e. free).  The Hamster Rescue League (or a friend) contacted me about taking care of their Syrian hamster and putting endless smiles on Sloane’s face.  I was assured he isn’t part of ISIS but he will have to pass the eye test with me before I pass judgement, he goes by Mittens right now but I’m sure Sloane will name him something much more creative like Hammy the second.  I’m still guessing ISIS or at least a Syrian rebel why don’t the Israelis have a hamster species I’d take Mossad any day over ISIS and the KGB!

About it for tonight, but loyal reader please remind me if I ever utter the words “I do” again to make sure it isn’t on the front porch in a rural part of the state without my daughter and family around.  Even better make sure I am not using a new relative to oversee the proceedings.  Just a story I heard today and made me laugh my ass off.  I’m a little more romantic than that so no worries here, if I ever get married again it will be on a beach and all you can eat crab cakes!