Due to massive internet fail, Time Warner is now the bane of my internet vile; I wasn’t able to continue the tales of the weekend like I had promised to do. So loyal reader if you were disappointed start a #TimeWarnerSucks thread on Twitter for me and tell AT & T to get off their lazy ass and bring Uverse to my neck of the woods. Frustrating wasn’t even the word for it, or Hammy was up to no good. He needs the internet to stay on top of his HotHamsters.com profile though so I’m not going to blame him quite yet.
After dropping off Sloane and returning home, it was the time honored passage of “first mow” of the season. After ripping out my shoulder, using every adjective known to man with the eff word, and using secret Wiccan spells I could find on the internet (it was working at the time) I finally got the lawnmower started and running. Mind you it rained 6,000 inches between Thursday and Friday so the ground was soft for sure, but I can’t stand an unkempt yard and grass was above my ankles in spots so it was mow time. The first cut of the year is always the best the smell of cut grass and wild onions reminds you it’s spring time. As I was perfecting my own little Augusta National and jamming to Katy Perry a thought dawned on me. With everything going on in my life this little fact had slipped my mind and that’s on me.
The Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines or IPTG for short is basically a common sense set of rules explaining how parenting time and co-parenting works in my state. Did you know one of the rules of the IPTG is any extracurricular activities for any child can be attended by both parents, and if there is some reason the child can’t be there the custodial parent is to notify the other parent. Remember me writing about all those missed or blown off softball practices? VIOLATION! Maybe I did show up and found out my daughter wasn’t at practice, maybe I didn’t. Point is this was a blatant oversight for what our state defines as co-parenting. I’ll be sure to bring this up in May at court. I did pin her butt to the wall on softball for Sloane’s first game and reminded her she has to let me know. So if the weather holds up in the area its “Play Ball” for Sloane.
Anybody that has been reading this collection of thoughts of mine since last July would remember how I pretty much used to just research divorce and effects on children. One of the many things that it taught me was when you have custody of your child to make them your first priority immediately during and after the divorce. Use your non-custodial time for a personal life, but the most important thing is to make sure you child is still feeling loved by both parents unequivocally. So I started running the numbers in my head of one on one parenting time with my daughter. This unscientific approach is based on a traditional schedule, i.e. no holidays, birthdays, moon landings, or any other special events that occur during the year. During school I get my daughter on Wednesday night and every other Friday-Sunday night. Roughly eight days a month.
There are some weeks I go a one day with my daughter, and that is basically 4:45 p.m. until bedtime at the god awful late hour of 8:30-9:00, Four hours and fifteen minutes and that is all I see my child other than in the mornings when I have to lug a dead weight seven year old to her grandparents, and I wouldn’t define that as quality time. When it’s my weekend I’ve documented all the crazy shenanigans we do. When it’s not my weekend she usually has ONE NIGHT and a piece of the morning before and part of a Sunday afternoon where it’s just her mother and she. Saturday’s are when the boyfriend visits. So every other Saturday when kids are out of school, most folks are off work (I work till noon every other Saturday), and the day is wide open to enjoy one on one parenting time. Sloane doesn’t get to spend it with her mother. No bike rides all over town, no hamster chasing, no kicking a beach ball around in the house and playing made up games. My daughter gets robbed of the one day a week with her mother, and her mother chooses that not Sloane. So who’s the bad parent? Who chooses to make their daughter a priority and the other just takes it for granted?
“Disneyland Dad” is a bullshit moniker, I used to believe it myself but now that I’m this far into it I’ve come full circle. You know who created a DD? Any bitter, upset, and piss poor mom is who created it. You don’t want to share your child and hide behind your lawyer, and then what are men in my shoes supposed to do? We just want to see our child and the few days we do get to see them we are going to have fun. We aren’t going to bend a few rules in the name of keeping everything kosher when we have our children? Some men can shower their children with lavish gifts and does it too piss the other parent off, I don’t blame them if they are in a position to do it. You are taking their child from them and not sharing. Other men like me don’t have the financial resources, we do it through actions, and no it’s not to get back at anyone, it’s because it’s what I’m supposed to do as a father and a man. Jealous mom’s who call their exes “Disneyland Dad’s” need to step back and take a good look in the mirror, and for clarity sake I’m talking about men who actively try to take part in their child’s life. Not the sack of shit johnny come lately I feel like being a dad today so let’s by little Suzy a pony and she will love me again. Those douche bags are why me and many men I’ve met or read about have to constantly fighting an uphill battle.
If my ex doesn’t like it tough shit, you created super dad and the old one was pretty damn good himself. You took the chance away from me to play daddy for your own selfish reasons. I’m her father but during the school year while you blow off your weekends with her we are biking to the ice cream shop, and anywhere else she wants to adventure. It’s like being a kid again and biking with your best friend, not planning weddings, attempts to take her to some far away land where electricity was just discovered and Ale 8 is the local water supply. I had to “dad up” when the situation called for it, think it’s time for someone to “mom up!”
One last bit of news the very kind owner of KORE Essentials is offering to do a father’s day giveaway on this blog and asked me to participate. I know nothing of blog giveaways and haven’t given him an answer yet. So if anybody has any advice on yea or nay I’m all ears!