My “extended” unknown family in a nutshell!
To quote Guns N Roses “I don’t need your civil war”, after apparently upsetting someone I’ve never met and getting left a derogatory comment on my personal Facebook page (since deleted) I have apparently set off a Mathews civil war down south. People I have never met or know have now made me public enemy number one because I talked bad about this mysterious piece of shit known as MY father. I was spreading faster in the southern part of the country than William Tecumseh Sherman ever did in the real Civil War. After seeing this ludicrous behavior play out all day I can say my kin folk are a bunch of meandering idiots. Except my oldest half-sister she’s actually pretty cool and we share the same views on the sperm-in-chief and the whacko half siblings. We all share a sperm donor and that is it you hill jacks. Wait a minute this all makes sense now my father was originally from podunk Kentucky! Thank god I’ve never met any of them and never will. All I can say if I catch or hear of any more shit from Foley, Alabama you are going to get this treatment or even worse since I’m not one bit worried about any repercussions from any of you!
Upon further thinking I’m now pondering a full blood transfusion. Can you have that done and live? I need answers right now, I’ve got Kentuckian blood running through my body, this would explain every bad decision I’ve ever made. It only gets worse for me, my father hailed from Glasgow, Kentucky. That area is living proof that Indians bred buffaloes way back when. I took me 38 years and nine months to just realize I have the toxic acidity of Kentucky blood running through my body. I’m 100% Hoosier though so nobody worry yet, and I was actually born in Georgia! Too any pregnant mother out there don’t go on a road trip six weeks before you are due, you might end up hatching your earthling somewhere entirely different than you originally planned to.
Got word today that Sloane had a glass sliver lodged in her foot that needed medical intervention. She’s doing fine and dandy thanks for the concerns in advance. Thankfully it didn’t happen on my watch I would probably have to hire another attorney just to defend myself that accidents do indeed happen. As a rule any time I break glass I like to get it all cleaned up first before I let Sloane near the contaminated area, but I’m not the parent in charge this week. I still call it a small step in co-parenting fun as at least I was notified this time about an incident unlike say when she swallowed a small Lego or had fleas jumping on her.
Finally got in some walking tonight thanks to allergies and rain haven’t had a chance to this week. Nice refreshing stroll over the gentle landscape of New Albany. Translation: The pavement jungle that is my neighborhood. Realized got a shit load of positives that have begun to take form this week. Maybe the karma train has finally arrived or maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. Personally, I keep receiving good news after good news this week. Now if Katy Perry would just get ahold of me! Hopefully the engineering staff at Skipah’s Realm finally figured out a way to make this dark cloud of shitty luck go inhabit somebody else. Karma gods if you need any nominees for the transfer let me know cosmically I’ve got addresses, social media accounts, you name it! I’ve got a list as long as a five year old boy writing a letter to Santa.
I was doing my best Ferrell Williams today, because I was Happy!
About it for tonight, Hammy and Rosy are having some kind of shouting match. She’s taunting him with verbal daggers about getting his ass kicked in Afghanistan, and he’s responding by telling her to go eat Syrian sand. I thought I was the parent of one kid, anymore I think it’s three. At least I know one is biological the other two I’m pretty sure I’ve adopted.
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Hi Patricia Mathews, let’s talk. When I first read your comment I was prepared to write you a nasty, lengthy post. I decided to drop the “nasty” for now; we’ll see how it goes.
I don’t care what you’ve heard or been told over the years but you have sadly been misinformed. You don’t know anything about me and I find it rather hypocritical that you jump on a public blog and start blaming me for all your Dad’s shortcomings.
Your Dad never wanted anything to do with Gary or Amber through the years, his choice not mine. Who knows why, presumably so he wouldn’t have to pay child support, take responsibility or basically just grow up and be an adult? While we were married we lived in 24 different places in five different states in less than five years; that’s why Gary was born in Georgia. Why do you think that is, because we enjoyed the beautiful scenery from state to state? Not! It was because he was always trying to stay one step ahead of the messes he created, the bill collectors and in some instances, the law. He would sign a contract with an individual or company that needed a building torn down and he would go in and remove the scrap metal and “fast” money items then split and leave them holding the bag. It was pretty much the same way that he dealt with people and life in general. Get in, get what you can, screw the people that helped you get there and move on to the next opportunity.
Apparently while you were listening and absorbing all that information over the years, dear ole Dad forgot to mention that he had a standing visitation order in place to see Gary and Amber every week. Visitation was to take place at my Grandmother’s guaranteed one day a week and/or any other time that the two of them could work out an agreed upon time. He just had to call at least 24 hours in advance and set it up with her. I had NO PART in the equation; it was strictly between the two of them, all I was to do was drop them off at her house. He agreed to this because he claimed to like my Grandmother and she was willing to do it because she thought they should see their Father. Why did he not get to take them on his own you ask?? Well, I’ll tell you why; because he said if I didn’t come back to him that he would take away the one thing in my life that meant the most to me, my kids. He said he would take them one day and just drive the truck off the side of the road and no one would be any wiser, that it would appear to be an accident. Sounds a lot like murder to me, what do you think? After his erratic, eccentric behavior in court, it wasn’t even a hard sell for the judge to grant him supervised visitation only. You want to know how often he visited?? Once. . . one effing time and he left after 45 minutes. He had a four hour time block and left after 45 minutes! Does it sound like he wanted to spend time with his kids??
In exactly the same way you describe what your husband’s ex is doing, moving around, no contact info etc, is EXACTLY what your “Dad” did. You want to know how much child support I received from him? Exactly $300.00 all told. The only reason I received that is because when the divorce became final the judge gave him 30 days to pay that amount or go to jail because he didn’t pay any of the court ordered child support while the divorce was pending. $300.00 and a couple of sperm donations isn’t what make a Father.
I never kept either one of the kids from their Dad and never trash talked him to them when they were growing up. Amber attempted to have a relationship with him when she was 12 or so. He would call and set something up, a time to meet her or pick her up and then not show. Ask her about it sometime, she talked to him directly, I had nothing to do with it and he still couldn’t keep his word.
I don’t know you, your Mother or your brothers and sisters. I’ve never talked bad about any of you, there was no reason, I don’t even know you all! The only one of Bob’s kids that I ever met was Shannon and that was only because she preceded me. She was just a toddler at the time and I was always on him to pick her up more often but he couldn’t be bothered with her either. I think he picked her up a grand total of three times the entire time that we were together and that was only because of my insistence.
He called me after he received his diagnosis. He wanted to know how many grand kids he had now, I questioned why did it matter all of a sudden? We exchanged pleasantries for a couple of minutes and then I told him I had to go. I thought that was that but then he called again the next night, he got to where he was calling me every night, I finally had to just tell him to quit calling me. He said he just didn’t want to die with me hating him. I told him I didn’t hate him, that I had no feelings for him good or bad, and that he ceased to have any control in my life years ago. He went a couple of days without calling and then he called again one night and told me that I was his one true love, that he knew he screwed up with me and that he had always regretted it blah, blah, blah. I told him he was remembering things like they never happened and BTW what does your wife think about you calling me every night? He said, “She’s at work”.
Here he was with a wife and five kids that apparently loved him and even on his deathbed he couldn’t be honest even with himself. Like many of the events happening in our world today, it is what it is. You can’t rewrite history; you can spin it a million different ways, pretend it never happened, view it through rose colored glasses or distort it in any number of other ways, but that still doesn’t change it. Your “Dad” was who he was and maybe you did have a great relationship with him, good for you. But because Gary and Amber didn’t, was not my fault or theirs, the blame rests squarely on his shoulders.
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Paying child support gives your husband certain rights, including time with and access to your children. If the child support is taken out of his check, then it has to go somewhere with an address. Find that address and where she obtains access to these funds, and you find her and the children. And if she’s in violation of the Divorce Decree, then serve her with papers at this address. Also, if she files a tax return, then you might find her address with a little digging.
And you can be a realist and still offer support and encouragement. This is about Sloane, not about your family’s feud with Gary.
His child support is directly taken out of his checks but in the paperwork sent to him it never included her address just her name and the children’s names. All we know is she lives in Florida and in their divorce she wasn’t suppose to leave mobile county or baldwin county without informing my husband. She’s 30, same age as myself and on her 4th marriage…2 of them which were after she left my husband in 2008. I do worry about the children because her daughter was theone that amost drowned at guld state park a few years ago…my husbands son saved her. Sorry I am more of a realist instead of an optimist.
Well, Patricia, you’re just such a joy to be around! Spreading happiness and encouragement wherever you go!
If your husband was divorced to his children’s mother, then there are things he can do through the court system to force the mother to keep him updated on the children’s address. But I’m wondering how he pays his child support if he doesn’t know where to send it?
I hate saying it but 9 times out of 10 the courts favor the woman no matter if she’s unfit or cheated. I know because my husband has not seen his 3 youngest children in 2 years. He don’t even know their address or a telephone number for them because the mother moves around often and jumps from man to man. The reason their marriage ended was due to her cheating but he still wasn’t awarded their children even though he was the one working at the time.
Addiction is a disease that runs in families, so it was smart of you to learn more about your own father and the DNA he passed on to you and your family. And most divorces create bitterness, whether there is a child involved or not. But instead of focusing on Gary, perhaps you should be thinking about the child instead and what’s best for her.
I was not biologically his child but I was blessed he was there for me. If he hadn’t been my life would have been horrible. My biological father was a drug addict and even stabbed my mom once because she refused to do the drug with him. He’s now in prison for murder for a drug deal that went wrong the year I graduated high school. So when I hear and see bittness such as Gary’s I have no sympathy because my birth father wasn’t there either nor did he ever try to be not even once. I on the other hand was able to look past everything I knew about my birth father and decided to write him in prison a year after my dad passed away and learned so much by talking to him. I am glad I was given that chance because once they are dead you can never get that chance. I do not call him my dad but more so a friend because my dad was Mr. MATHEWS…The man who saved my mom and myself.
There are six girls in my family, and we all grew up, got married and had kids. Out of the six fathers involved, four of them abandoned their children. So, not only do I admire Gary for blogging about his experiences and fighting for the right to see his daughter, but I am also rooting for him — and rooting against a mother who is too blind to see what is best for her daughter. Putting your needs above those of your child can be selfish, and sometimes, downright cruel. There should be no barriers between a parent and a child who want to see each other, even if those parents are divorced.
I just find it funny how you speak of him this way because he was NOT that kind of man that I grew up with and loved. Maybe he had a life intervention before he met my mother…who knows but I do now this man you speak of is NOT the man I knew. Haha, funny I grew up in Indiana and that’s where I had my schooling. I do know how to properly write when it comes to essays etc. Why waste the effort on a blog site?! I met Amber once while she was working at a Target. It’s kinda hard to be involved in 9 kids lives when you struggle to take care of and provide for 5 of them. Sometimes it’s in the best interest of the child for the parent to step away because the parents can’t physically get along. I know personally even growing up with dad that we didn’t see much of him because he worked from sun up till sun down just to feed us and keep a roof over our heads. We grew up extremely poor until 1998 when dad took a job in Mobile, AL.
Bravo, Julia! Bravo!
Yikes! For someone that literally just spoke with someone the first time in their life, I have to say, you’ve got a *LOT* of nerve. What did you expect to happen when contacting someone you have never met, and telling them how awesome their sperm donor was? He might have been your “dad” (though, knowing what I’ve heard about him, I use the term loosely), but to both of them, he was nothing. I was one of his sister’s closest friends growing up and the only memory she has of her “father” is her mom reading a book to both her and the sperm donor yelling at their mom, who kept reading, which he didn’t like, so he grabbed the book and threw it, breaking a lamp.
To further accuse their mother of not allowing him to see them? Really? His sister, on several occasions, attempted to have a relationship with the deadbeat. He gave her a bike at eight and a hamster at 12. At 14 she was supposed to meet him and her older sister (whom she has now met, no thanks to him) but he ended up being a no-show. The next time she spoke to him was in her late twenties when he was dying. So…let’s say you’re right, it was *ALL* their mother’s fault, that would explain why he didn’t try to talk to them until they were 18, but how do you explain the 8-10 years between that? Was that their mother’s doing as well? Did she single handedly stop him from contacting them well after they were grown and married? Nope, didn’t think so. As a mother myself, nothing, and I mean nothing could stop me from seeing my child. I’m not sure if you’re a mother yet or not, but if so, can you imagine anything getting between you and your chiild? It’s a crap excuse from a crap father.
You mention this “blog thing” and how it’s quite pathetic and that you read all about how Gary’s daughter’s mother wants to take her away. I think it’s quite admirable that he’s blogging and sharing his life with the world. I think it’s even more admirable that he’s fighting as hard as he can to not have his daughter ripped away to some podunk city in Kentucky from all she knows and cares about due to the selfish whim of her mother. It’s dads like theirs that give dads like Gary the ridiculous stuff he has to deal with just to keep his daughter near her friends and family and the only things she’s ever known. Though I guess if you grew up with their sperm donor, it would seem “pathetic” to attempt to see your kids before they’re grown and your on your deathbed. We are what we learn after all.
I can’t attest to any of the other garbage you’ve spewed, as I don’t know their older sister or your family, or any of the other 15 kids he spawned, but I do know that if someone were to reach out to me as a long lost step half sibling twice removed or whatever you are to Gary and started spouting off insult after insult, I wouldn’t respond well either. As for you, what are you even on this blog for? There’s obviously no love lost, so move along. Oh, and honey, do they not teach you how to write paragraphs down south?
He was not your dad. He was mine as you put it he was your sperm donor, so let’s keep it that way. It’s quite pathetic how you do this blog thing. I have read all this stuff your going through with your daughter and how the mom wants to take your daughter away. Have you ever asked yourself that maybe just maybe your own mother is the reason your dad wasn’t allowed to see you? I was there for 21 years before dad passed away and I seen and heard a lot of stuff. You have had 38 years of what you have been told drilled in your head…maybe you should have spoken to the man when you called him and let him tell you his story and that he was sorry for not being in your life. He spoke alot to all his children before his final days but he knew that was you that called and he didn’t need to speak to you. It don’t matter why you called all that matters is that you contacted him and that’s all he needed to have his peace. You can call me crazy or that I am on bath salt but really your hatred towards me is null and pointless. I was hoping that you was a good man when I spoke to you but your a real hateful person towards not only the man that gave you life but towards the children that he was involved with. You do need to know about shannon though. She’s a real nutcase and likes to put people against each other. She’s highly jealous of my mom and says horrible things about her…it’s almost as if she feels dad chose my mom over her which wasn’t the case. I guess she felt that way because my mom wasn’t much older than her but my mom has never done her wrong and treated all his kids with respect. Yall are right being an addict is a mental disease but dad didn’t want that influence around us because we were much you younger. If she was honest she would tell you he called her and would talk to her and he didn’t hide from her because if he did he wouldn’t have given her our address to visit us down here once. Your sister Amber is a sweet person. I have spoken with her and she’s a genuinely different kind of person than you. Sorry I ever contacted you or disrupted your life but you answered the one question I really ever wanted to ask you. At your age you really need to learn to live and forgive because this bitterness you have inside is not healthy for you or any relationship you get in.
Well, Ward Cleaver was a fictional character — just an actor playing a role. So maybe this description of your stepdad fits. 🙂
Don’t even pay her the time of day, it must be boring and lonely in Foley, Alabama. The girl defends her stepdad to me (my biological) like he was Ward Cleaver or something.
Dear Patricia Mathews: Addiction is a mental illness, not a reason to avoid someone or treat them like they’re less than human. In the old days, people treated cancer patients that way, thinking the disease was contagious. Of course, some of us have moved past superstition and nonsense.
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Thank god I never met them or knew them they are whack-a-doodles!
I’m trying although after visiting with my lawyer today I have zero faith in the family law system.
UGH. I feel you on the whole blood transfusion thing. Hang in there!
Sometimes family can be so out of their minds! I have to say that I don’t have much to do with most of mine anymore. I am getting too old for the drama and will happily stick with my kids and online community! Have a great week, Gary!
Well thank you for putting into perspective for me!
Definitely no loss! Sad to know I’m even “kin” (I use that term loosely) to them.
I’m only Kentuckian by blood type LOL, sure in the hell have never been a resident! I know all about the stories out of far east Kentucky, I tell people all the time that aren’t from the area. Everything you have ever heard about that part of the state is more than likely true!
Just because you share DNA with these people doesn’t make them your family. Heck, humans share 98% of their DNA with chimpanzees, but that doesn’t make us family.
Well, guess it makes sense to piss off long lost relatives that are blind to your feelings. No loss though, right?
Hope Sloane’s foot “heels” fast so you guys can get some fishing in together next week!
Oh my word! Both sides of my husband’s family are originally from Kentucky. One side is from Harlan County (the “white ghetto”…. Location of the show “Justified”…. *shiver*). The other side is from Hazard County. We all know about Hazard County! I will tell you what…. When these people are mad they are straight up crazy!! I’ve never seen anything like it. Whiskey at Christmas. Knives pulled at Easter. There is a fist fight at every family gathering and the police are often called on holidays and picnics! I would never have believed it if I hadn’t seen it. Once we had children we had to stop attending family functions. So watch your back…. You don’t know what they might do! 😉 but then again…. If you are part Kentuckian too…. Maybe you can get crazy right back!! 😉