Operation: Quit Blog Stalking

In my bid to corner the denim advertising market in blogger world I picked up another denim outfitter today.  Look out Levi Strauss, Lee Jeans, and Wrangler there is a new player in town!  Level 99 Denim wants to hook you up!  All I want out of it is a stylish denim jacket for my daughter.  If you click on the link below buy something I get like 1,000,000 dollars or .26 cents.  Going to make this a new Friday tradition I hope.  Skipah’s Realm is going to do for the denim industry what clippers did for the mullet.

Once again I’ll state long time readers will get it new readers stick around we are just getting started.

Let’s take a bit of a history lesson for a second loyal readers, psssst (in whisper voice) don’t tell any of my online female contacts less they think I’m a nerd.  Ok regular voices now off the top of your head name the five best generals in history.  Personally I came up with Erwin Rommel (Kentuckians think of him as the Adolph Rupp of the German Army in WWII), George Washington, George Patton (once again Kentuckian that is the same Patton that has a museum at Fort Knox), Dwight Eisenhower, and Duke from the G.I. Joe cartoons from when I was a kid.  Why do I bring this up because my little KGB buddy Hammy launched a grand plan earlier this week of subterfuge and trickery that would make MI-6, Mossad, CIA, or the KGB proud.  He’s in full Stockholm Syndrome mode now because he looks forward to the torture and abuse he gets when Sloane is with me now and is doing all he can also to help me keep her in Indiana.  General Hammy diagrammed a master strategy this week.

Monday Hammy told me of a grand caper he and his Russian rodents pulled off on a mission in Afghanistan many years ago of using total propaganda to get the locals napping and then pulling an end around to obtain the prize.  We launched Operation:  Quit Blog Stalking earlier this week and it worked to perfection.  To quote the great George Preppard (Hannibal) from the A-Team “I love it when a plan comes together”, also if you are a guy in his mid to late 30s and didn’t like the A-Team growing up you may gracefully go to the nearest man-card revocation center and turn yourself in.  You will get a complimentary Michael Bolton box set and a gift certificate to the American Doll store for your troubles.

First of all can we establish that seven year olds aren’t the final say in decision making?  Ok…..good, I’ve got to be honest with you readers I haven’t been 100% truthful this week, I haven’t lied per se however little known fact that holiday weekends don’t start in Indiana until 6:00 p.m. Friday and end on Sunday at 6:00 p.m.  Labor Day and Memorial Day are until Monday’s at 7:00.  Why do I bring this up, because I’ve known all week that after work I had an opportunity to at least take my daughter to dinner after today, but also had a pretty good idea she wasn’t even going to be in town after school today so I didn’t want to tip off my biggest stalker fan.  The plan worked to perfection upon arriving at Brownie’s this evening to pick up Sloane and go eat a glorious feast at probably Wendy’s I learned that my daughter wasn’t there and the ex-had even emailed the leader of the chocolate desserts that she and Sloane would not be in attendance today.  Brownie troop leader (the ex) missed another Brownie event and on top of that so did Sloane.  THE EX NEVER INFORMED ME OF THIS!

Minor Indiana Parenting Time Guideline infraction no big deal, except the part where I’m supposed to be informed by the custodial parent that there is a change in the extracurricular activity of my child.  Parenting fail number one, parenting fail number two you might ask?  Withholding MY parenting time with my daughter.  I had her until 6:00 p.m. tonight, however I learned from the ex’s mother that they were out of town seeing her friend.  Upon emailing with the ex I was told Sloane told me all about it Monday.  Sloane did tell me they were going to her friend’s house.  Sloane tells me a lot of things, Sloane is seven years old and still believes in Santa Claus.  If I have to get all of my parenting news from Sloane then I’m in deep shit.  Not once did the ex-inform me she was ditching Brownies nor did she ask me if I would forgo my time this evening with Sloane.  She just assumed since I’ve talked all week about how I don’t see Sloane again until Sunday at 6:00.  Well played Hammy, well played.

The email exchange we had was borderline hilarious, reading someone who knows they effed up and then tries to stammer an excuse out when they know they have just critically wounded their grand scheme to their child is comical.  The topper was “You took her before six on Easter Weekend”, quickly countered by “Yeah I did, and you asked me to bring her back early on Easter and already had your car packed and followed me out of the driveway to head to the land of Appalachia”, the junior varsity at Rosenbaum and Spitz Law Firm could defend my argument.  She gave me permission, I was never even notified or asked about this evening.

I did enjoy a fine lunch with Sloane at school today, and all the kids were fighting each other to get their picture taken (not literally mom and dad’s), in the process I gave her phone to her in the hopes she could smuggle it past customs but to no avail.  Hammy told me he will put her through rigorous training to slip a package past the Nazi woman , I told him don’t worry dude she’s my girl and if I can get one over on her mother you damn bet she will figure it out also!