You know what hurts more than anything?  Using the bridge of your nose to break a fall after tripping on something in your kitchen, and the kitchen table politely agrees to catch you before you can get your hands out in front of you.  I thought I had broken my nose (and I have a lot of nose). Luckily, it just looks like I took direct fire from a slingshot and ball bearings.  That’s how my weekend got started out Saturday morning.  It’s been…..interesting.

For all the devious things Sloane did to Hammy Thursday and Friday, she felt some bit of compassion for him and talked me into letting her upgrade his two-bunk Hilton into a super, three-story penthouse.  I tried to explain that another flight of stairs in his home would only encourage him to train harder, but it’s her pet, and it was her money, so you’re welcome Hammy.  Secretly, I think he left cord out that I tripped on.  After Sloane went to bed, though, I let him have some vodka, and he and I were knocking back White Russians while watching the UK-Notre Dame game.  Wow, what a game!  By the end Hammy was saying Hail Mary’s, reciting the holy trinity, vowing to defect anything for his new team, the Irish, to pull out the win.  After the game was over, he claimed the fix was in, and I reminded him his country knew all about the fix as well as anyone, i.e. 1972 Summer Olympics in basketball.  After basketball, I let him set up his own online dating profile on Hothamsters.com. Yes, even double agent hamster spies have needs.

Since my employer requires my services a little earlier than normal tomorrow, I relinquished the blonde bomber to the nursing home so she could get max sleep on her first day back at school.  I look out for the best interests of my child even at the cost of parenting time with her.  Our weekend was a blast, though!  Plenty of Nerf hoops, uplifting and disturbing conversation (ten kids REALLY), indoor beach ball kickball (don’t ask), and just spending time with her in general.  My little girl is amazing!  We did a product review yesterday for littlemissmatched.com. Sure, it was only a set (not a pair) of socks, but watching her bounce around thinking she was getting ready to sell a billion socks and make her dad a millionaire was priceless.  Since softball practice got moved up today, and she already had plans, she missed softball practice.  I gave her the choice, and she wanted her “Girls Day” with some friends of hers from her early days.  She went to see Cinderella and told me I wasn’t allowed, which worked out great. I got my school work done, and afterward she and I had dinner at her favorite restaurant.  I’m going to miss these weekends because that oath of I’m declaring war is here.

Guess who is getting dragged back to court?  This guy that’s who, why you may ask?  Because somebody that claims she doesn’t care what anybody thinks about her apparently isn’t nearly as thick-skinned as she portrays herself to be.  This and this are getting me dragged back to court.  If I only know you from being a loyal reader, please tell me the name of who I am talking about?  You have no idea other than it’s my daughter’s future stepdad who is a shitty parent and been divorced FOUR times.  You don’t know anything else about him!  If I know you personally or through social media, guess what it’s my f!cking story, and I can tell it to whomever I want.  So let’s go back to court you useless mother that has missed two softball practices and left another one early (my reason was viable we already had plans, and it got changed at 10:30 last night), PTO vice president who hasn’t done one damn thing with it since last fall, brownie troop leader who lied through her teeth last fall, mom that wants to pull her daughter out of her current school, so she can move to BFE Kentucky.  Your lies have caught up to you; your deceit is over; your outed!  I’m ashamed to even have been married to you for 13 years, but I’ll own it!

Let’s go to court AGAIN; hopefully, the judge will take a common sense approach, but either way, I haven’t done one frigging thing that is harmful in regards to our daughter!  You aren’t getting the custody back that you gave me, that YOU NEEDED to cede to go play in the land of goats and outhouses.  Intimidate me with your $250.00 an hour mouthpiece; get over me already and quit waiting to read whatever literary magic I type out every night.  Go live your life; you chose this way back when not me.  I adapted.

I went through a lot to get to where I am now, but guess what I made it through!  Yeah, I had to drop our daughter off at your parents tonight without you there because you can’t drive your company issued vehicle back home tonight without getting in trouble.  Had a long talk with your father after he welcomed me in.  You’ve put him through more hell than you put me through - job well done!  You are the epitome of evil, and you don’t get to take my daughter out of this area.  So let’s just keep going back to court; you lost, and you can try to bankrupt me all you want, but you still lost.  You lost the respect of your parents, your colleagues, and you are working on losing the respect of the one person that should mean the most, your daughter.  Send this post to your lawyer because I’ve got a zillion more showing what a selfish parent you are.  By the way, why don’t you get her a bed; she’s only slept on the couch since July with you!  Why don’t you get the smell of cat piss out of her “bedroom” also.  Yeah, I called CPS after the divorce, and for some reason they gave you a 24-hour notice, and you and your family turned into a Merry Maids crisis team to gussy it up.  You want the pictures I got today while talking to your father to go live?  You always forgot that I’m smarter than you, and since June I only look out for one female in my life, and her name is Sloane!  I suggest you do the same!

Send Skipah Sailing!


  1. Pingback: R.I.P. Hammy!

  2. Pingback: Bedtime! | Skipah's Realm

  3. Face planting into a table hurt like hell, I was literally seeing stars for a few minutes like I was an extra in a bugs bunny cartoon. I’m frigging sick of her shit and just dealing with her in general. Thanks for reading and congrats on your new hosting duties!

  4. My nose is hurting right now from sympathy pain.
    My favorite line was “get over me already and quit waiting to read whatever literary magic I type out every night” That my man was brilliant!

    I know the system always favors the mom initially but judges aren’t idiots and they’ll eventually recognize the stench. I hope the hearing goes well.

  5. Thanks Jack, I will prevail!

  6. Sorry you are going through all this crap, sometimes people suck. But if you have to go through it for someone at least you know who and why.

  7. Thanks British Mom USA, it’s sad and sordid tale, maybe one day this summer Sloane and I (and Hammy) can pay you all a visit this summer

  8. Holy monkey nuts, dude your nose!!!!! Ice, ice, baby!!! As the song goes!!!

    As for the other, good grief….. I con’t say here what one would like to say, it would have to be full of *********** So good grief is going to have to suffice.

    She has no clue what is going to hit her once her daughter is old enough to figure it all out for herself. Maybe that is her intension….. So sad!!!!! Sorry mate, keep fighting the good fight, and know that your daughter will stand by you 🙂


  9. Really sorry to hear this. It’s b.s.!

  10. The is suffering from bitterness and selfishness. I’m done trying to be nice. She wants to take my daughter away from me and has to hang anything she can on me to get the custody back she ceded.

  11. It hurt no doubt about that.

  12. That’s my plan! Goodness should prevail!

  13. Freedom of speech should prevail, everything has been done in anonymity. Sorry about the fall, now you look like one of the heroes in those old Western’s 🙂

    “Conflict follows wrongdoing as surely as flies follow the herd.” ~ Doc Holiday
    Sounds like she is really suffering from a guilty conscious and wants to take it out on you. 🙁

  14. Holly shit. Well, first of all: Ouch. Second: I know a thing or two about bad mothers (my brothers married with two) so, well said, and keep fighting for your little girl.

  15. Bloody hell! Looks painful! It’s a wonder you didn’t break it and the bone goes up and impale your brain! Not kidding, it happens. The impalement.

  16. Welcome to my world! I wish I could say I was kidding you.

  17. Are you friggin kidding me? This is terrible. I try to see the best in people, but she’s really pushing it. Hope everything goes well for you.

  18. It’s a delicate tightrope, I just wish both of us thought of our child and quit being petty.

  19. So incredibly stressful the entire idea of custody. So many hidden motives that are outside the wellness of the kiddos. I wish we could go back to court and claim custody of our stepson, but my husband just wants to wait until B can choose for himself, he doesn’t want to be painted as the man that took his mommy away from him by his mom, but instead as the man who just loves him with all his heart for the short and rare times we are blessed with his presence.

  20. Nose was an exercise of clutzdom (is that a word), uh uh uh uh uh uh yeah I hear ya!

  21. I welcome sarcasm on my web site! And corny puns (looking at you), I’ll stick the real stuff on my PB intake but since Sloane doesn’t like PB you might be able to rope her into this magic Nutzzo you speak off.

  22. Man that hurt! Thankfully my daughter was in the other room because her vocabulary would have expanded ten fold!

  23. Oh man that sucks about your nose! I’m glad you had a great time with Sloane this weekend it makes my heart happy.

    As far as the rest goes… I cannot comment on this post in fear of making things worse for you with that uh uh uh uh your ex? Nicest thing I could thing of!

    Hang in there the judge just has to see what she is doing is wrong!

    Much love,
    Lysa xx

  24. Ummm, so it seems like there’s a chance you might make up and be friends with your ex, right? 🙂

    Sorry, my sarcasm gets me in trouble with my wife, so I have to get it out somewhere!

    Man, so sorry about the nose, and the repeat court trip, that’s just annoying….and probably expensive. The good thing is that you and Sloane had a great weekend, and that set of socks is really cool. Glad she enjoyed them like she did.

    You know, I say give Girl Scout cookies to the ex since they’re full of crap like her. Then, get yourself some NuttZo (or plain natural PB if you must) for you and Sloane to enjoy straight from the jar. Just a thought. If you ever make it down to Texas, I’ll have a jar waiting for you! But I want some Russian hamster vodka in return!

  25. Poor baby, if it swells, go to the doctor immediately. Hope you and your nose feels better soon. lol

Tell Skipah all about it!