My Janitorial Weekend (I Refuse to Use Custodial, I’m a Dad!)

I’m hoping  Woody Harrelson gets wind of this site!

So goes another janitorial weekend for me and my little princess.  Per the Skipah Manifesto, we made sure to live by rule number one and “have fun.”  She’s come and gone out my life again quickly and left me smiling from ear to ear.  Miss Madison had one of her biggest professional achievements this weekend, so both the special ladies in my life have me floating on air.  Since I own the internet tonight because I’m one of six people left on the planet that doesn’t watch Game of Thrones, let’s recap shall we?

After another trip through the not-so-mighty commonwealth of Kentucky dodging idiots, orange barrels, and the occasional Billy Jack, I secured possession of the blonde bomber Friday evening.  Nothing says true love like the truck stop pick up for custodial weekend.  Me and two other miserable chumps were all sitting there discussing our golf handicaps and the many missed kid moments due to the system when my little bundle of joy finally arrived.  She was two minutes late, which is fine with me.  Now if the roles were reversed, I’m sure a court summons would hit my doorstep by Tuesday morning.

The joys of construction laden Louisville, 30 minute drives take well over an hour!

First stop was dinner with Miss Madison and company at a local establishment of fine dining or the Ponderosa.  “The Pondo,” as the locals like to call it, was Sloane’s culinary choice of Americana Friday night, so off we went.  One thing I’ve learned since moving to Madison, Indiana is this place is a modern day Mayberry!  Since I’m dating a local celebrity (more on that to come), it seems we can’t so much as walk out the front door and the paparazzi are hounding us.  I might be stretching that a little bit, but it never fails we will run into someone from her academic circles that is just thrilled to meet me, this mysterious man of mystery that turned Miss Madison’s frown upside down.  My only retort is, “I want to meet him too.” The kids ate just barely enough until they could go tackle the soft serve ice cream machine like a pack of hyenas circling a junior water buffalo, and the rest of the evening was spent living it up Flintstones style having a “gay old time.”

I was told if Miss Madison loses that smile I’m getting offered up to a pig farmer!

I don’t think this was the “warm, glowing feeling” her contemporary was talking about!

Saturday, Miss Madison had to put the finishing touches on her yearlong project with her 8th graders surveying and researching a centuries old cemetery in the area.  Pretty soon, if you’re ever Googling Smyrna Cemetery (and why wouldn’t you be), you may thank Miss Madison and her 2015-2016 8th grade class for being able to find a database online.  We had to accompany her for some final measurements and to cross a few I’s and dot a few T’s.  Just in case I do ever have to hide a body, I did check the map for any future plots (for when I nab Pepe Le Pew who has been running wild in our yard).

I had a stake in hand in case the Zombie Apocalypse suddenly began! 

After fighting off a group of whackos that practice in the art of necrophilia, the Skipah’s Travelling Road Show was headed off to my original sector of the planet in Southern Indiana.  Vacation destination New Albany, Indiana was our next stop for a kick ass party with friends to celebrate the biggest fireworks show on earth.

Long lost Cousin Charlie’s secret bbq sauce with meatballs and some triple chocolate chip cookies were on tap for this weekend.

I don’t say much positive about Kentucky, but when it comes to the Kentucky Derby and the events leading up to it, they are second to none!  Thunder Over Louisville kicked off the Derby festivities Saturday night with what is billed as the largest firework show on earth.  Thirty minutes of pyrotechnics that would make even the most hardened of curmudgeons applaud.  Our friends live on a hilltop close to the Ohio River, so we got to take it all in without fighting the 750,000 (that’s a real number) patrons that took advantage of weather that would have made San Diegoans jealous.  Sloane and the whole gang had an absolute blast, and she even got to shoot some more hoops with her tomato-headed little buddy from last year.  The turtle man and Miss Madison Jr. were eating it up like someone that just got introduced to sushi.  All in all, great times and now Sloane’s pissed, because she won’t get to see the balloon glow next weekend like she did last year.  I informed her she has two parents, just ask, even my daughter gave me an eye roll on that statement.  Oh, she knows, she’s practically an adult minus the puberty, dating, and bra shopping.  Thankfully, I’ve got a few more years before I have to worry about that!

Fun times this weekend!

Sunday, Miss Madison was doing her cemetery/genealogy magic, and nailed it I must say (newspaper article will be posted on this website when it hits newsstands in a couple of days).  This won’t be her first rodeo either, hopefully this time she name-dropped her favorite blogger’s website.  Be looking for some extra traffic, Christina!  Sloane and I once again headed back to our roots so she could get in a little grandma time.

The last time she saw my mom, David Bowie, Glenn Frey, Merle Haggard, & Prince were still breathing members of society.  Yeah, it’s been that long! Hard to fit in any grandma time when my time is all of four days a month, and you can basically chalk a quarter of that time spent driving.  While they were celebrating their own personal Pebbles time, I had a little too much free time to reflect.

I’m a pretty happy guy these days:  My professional life is solid, this website has grown leaps and bounds the past month (although I read a blogger from Philadelphia is pulling down $3,000 a month, need to get Hammy on this pronto), I’ve got the coolest and one of the most intelligent people on the planet in Miss Madison, and I’ve got a daughter that is still pissed and confused as to why she only gets to experience a loving household where everybody is involved twice a month.

I hate it for her, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it yet!  On top of it, she has no male figure in her life other than me part time.  I’m talking the good and the bad when it comes to being a parent.  Yeah, I’ll wax poetic on here and even plan on writing a book about my experiences, but, let’s be honest, sometimes kids need a knot jerked in their ass when it comes to behavior.  Sloane is no different, and I literally have to spend half my time on any given weekend correcting a bunch of things with her that shouldn’t even be an issue.  She literally is my mini-me in intelligence and wit, just need to reign that stuff in with her sometimes.

Again, I’ll blame this on a stupid system, a lazy ass stepdad (dude, seriously go for a walk with the family every now and again, my daughter takes notes), and greedy lawyers!  Even tonight on the ride home, I can just see the inevitable sulk in her shoulders that she knows it is back to prison for two weeks until she gets to be herself again.  This is how much she adores her dad time:  She had softball practice Saturday morning 90 minutes from here, I offered to take her, actually even wanted to take her, but she didn’t want to give up what would have been roughly four hours of our time driving and the actual practice itself.  She’s freaking eight years old, I don’t want her to have to think like this!

About it for tonight, another hall of fame weekend, and another reason #MyBabyTooBill better get to the Indiana state floor. Time to start the countdown until the next weekend we are together, which coincidentally is Derby weekend!  Hammy is already studying the Daily Racing Forum  like he’s updating his profile.


Send Skipah Sailing!


  1. Pingback: What could possibly happen in nine months?

  2. She completely nailed that project, you will have to see my next post :).

  3. Sounds like your ladies are getting quality time with you while doing their own things! Cemeteries are cool places in which to visit!

  4. I’ll can soak the cheese in vodka for him if that helps. 🙂

  5. This comment is now going to go straight to the coparenting blogging hall of fame located in Davenport, Iowa. I can’t agree with this more!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. It sounds like y’all had a great weekend. I love visiting old cemeteries. My brother lives in Virginia near Bristol, TN. He loves it there. I told him he needed to visit some of those old cemeteries and stuff but he’s busy and I understand that.
    I hope you don’t mind me quoting you here when you said “if the roles were reversed, I’m sure a court summons would hit my doorstep Tuesday morning”. Yup exactly what would happen here. Apparently that only works for the primary custodial parent. And another “she has two parents, just ask followed by an eye roll” Yup happens here too! My son hates going back. But like you there isn’t a damn thing I can do. I also have to spend most of our visitation correcting his behavior. I’ve even told him that for the safety of his little brothers that he cannot come back if he doesn’t stop hurting them. Fortunately, he has abided by this. Now him acting immature for his age (he’s 14) it’s hard to correct. I just keep reminding him that he’s a young man and needs to straighten up.
    Oh yeah, money talks, bs walks.

  7. Don’t worry we’ve got Derby covered. It will be epic 🙂

  8. I didn’t get to start visiting high classed places like Ponderosa until high school! The closest one was around an hour’s drive away from where we lived. If it wasn’t during road construction session.

    She is smart if she didn’t want to waste her time with an actual loving father figure to attend a practice session for a sports team!

    So, you have two weeks to plan your next get together with your little girl. Try to find out what she is most looking forward to related to the Derby. Is it the horses? If so could you arrange some real live horses for her to see? If it is the betting< you need to kill the demon in her mind before it over takes her!

  9. Lisa the only complaint I have with life right now (other than allergies) is I don’t see my daughter nearly as much as I should be able to!

  10. Thanks pal, since mine is a little older than yours I’ll be your guinea pig on that “adult” stuff for dads with daughters.

  11. Isn’t that the truth! Now if they would just bring back The Sizzler!

  12. I do my best, I get my 50/50 when summer rolls around in a six weeks :). Since distance is a factor now (and who knows how long that will last, word on the street things aren’t so “rosie” in other parts of the world) maybe next school year I’ll get primary custody :).

  13. I’ll pass the memo, between you and me though he’s salivating at the thought of top shelf Russian vodka hitting his lips.

  14. I wish that the situation was different and that Sloane and you had much more time together. On the upside you have the brilliant and beautiful Miss Madison in your life.

  15. As one of the victims of being passed back and forth, I feel for both you and Sloane, always hate hearing of you having to let her go. But, on the positive side, you guys had a great time together! And, like you said, she takes notes, and they’re not bad when with you, so it’ll pay major dividends come that time of puberty and bra shopping. *Cringe* Guess I have that one coming probably too soon too!

  16. Nothing says childhood like Ponderosa and ice cream.

  17. I cannot imagine having those “custodial weekends”. Love the term hate the idea of them. We have 50/50 custody and that rips my heart out every other week. sounds like you made it a fun adventure at least!

  18. It sounds like you made the most of your Sloane time. I’m just sorry there’s not more of it. Incidentally, I have my fingers crossed that Hammy works out how to make $3,000 a month like that blogger in Philadelphia. Could you let him know that if a microfilm of the information were to make it out here to me, there would be bits of cheese in a brown paper bag, no questions asked.

  19. We will have to begin phasing in our world domination plan Sundays at nine!

  20. Glad you had a good weekend (despite being too little time).

    That’s an impressive school project - well done, Miss Madison.

    & I am also one of the six - those Game of Thrones fans don’t know what they’re missing out on, the world belongs to the six of us while they’re watching that programme!

  21. I’m just kidding LOL, BTW I left you a six chapter comment on your post. That was beautiful!

  22. Sorry. Munch plays soccer and yes when I see “s” I assume soccer. LOL. But, I have a friend whose a single father who has two girls and they both play softball. Really well too. His oldest is a freshman and made varsity on her team. So, I’m sorry for the typo and know that it is my fast fingers and not my mind.

  23. Easy there soccer is blasphemy around here lol, softball softball softball :). Thanks Double T for the kind words as always :).

  24. You’re right…Sloane should never have to think about missing time from her dad to travel to a soccer practice. She’s a kid and she just needs to focus on things like being a kid. P.S. I’m happy ya’ll had another exciting weekend.

  25. Can’t we get Congress to put if “safe places” or something of the like for child pick-ups? Thanks for reading as always Spear!

  26. Gary, I remember those truck stop meetings also. That was a long time ago for me, maybe 20 years ago. I guess some things never change. Great post, I always look forward to reading. Happy day my friend. 🙂

  27. The Realm is a fun place right now 🙂

  28. So glad you are working in real, not imaginary numbers. My math skills are not up to that. The bit about eating just enough food to earn ice cream (creemees in VT, my old mayberry) is pretty much an olympic sport with my boys. Things sound good in the realm.

  29. Will do! I don’t know what sector but I will find out quickly!

  30. What sector of the state are they teachers? Miss Madison is very active in the teacher front in this state. Click this link

  31. This one is better than average but at the end of the day it’s a freaking Ponderosa.

  32. I think there are probably more like you than the other kind…the kind that the ex-wife wants to project so that she stays “the victim” in the whole ugly affair.

  33. Well that’s not happening! The moving thing that is! However I do have quite a few friends living in that state who are mainly former teachers, so if there is a petition or something let me know. (Cubs rule) Sorry I tried not to say it but Captain America is egging me on

  34. Not a Game of Thrones fan?! Blasphemy!

    Glad you had fun with her! Funny, I was a huge fan of Ponderosa as a kid! Loved the roast beef and jello! Lol!

  35. Just wish there was more of us and we could lose the misplaced stereotype!

  36. You could always move LOL, truck stop switching should be illegal. No dignity for the kids and two people that would rather see each other dead just have to smile at each other. Although I make sure I smile VERY big because I’m a happy person :).

  37. Watching as my son goes through an ugly divorce and my ex-daughter-in-law bringing random new men home for my grandchildren to meet-this all sounds so familiar. Good to read about other dads who take fatherhood seriously.

  38. Thanks Roxanne, she never chose this crap that’s for sure. If I knew now what I didn’t know two years ago this wouldn’t have been an issue! As for disinterested stepfather, what a douche!

  39. Yeah this over populated size of a postage stamp truck stop feels like I landed in some kind of bizzarro Orson Wells novel every two weeks! I’d take DQ any day of the week over that place!

  40. Is there anything we can do to help this cause if we don’t live in Indiana? My boyfriend tells me stories of meeting at Love Truck Stop to switch parents and it breaks my heart.

  41. As someone who grew up with a disinterested stepfather and an absent birth father (to be fair, he didn’t know I existed until I was in my 30s), I truly admire your dedication to your daughter and your perseverance in spending quality time with her.

  42. My parents used to meet up to exchange me at the DQ. I was so lucky 🙂

    Looks like y’all had another good weekend!

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